By the way (update on my cat)

In all the excitement I forgot to give you an update on my cat, Sam, for those of you who were reading in February when I talked about all his problems with his leg. Unfortunately, we had to put Sam to sleep this past Friday. My husband has had him since he was a kitten and spent nearly 14 years with him. I've been with him for 10.5 years too. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult decision, but we know we did the right thing. The doctor said that the mass of infection in his leg was getting bigger and was obviously either bone cancer or a fungal infection and that either one would have spread through his body already. He was in a lot of pain and we couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. Amazingly our daughter has done really weel with it - we told her that Sam was going to live with her Papa, Grandpa, Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa in Heaven where we can't see them. She has asked a couple of times if Sam is with them now and if they will feed him. I was really worried she would take it much harder than she has. We've been telling her for a while now that Sam is very sick and medicine was not making him better so he would be going to live in Heaven, so I think it helped that we prepared her. We are all still very sad and will miss him forever, but we're happy that he is in a better place and not hurting anymore.

Here is a picture of our Sam, with his littlest sister Juju (we have 4 cats... 3 now)

I had my blood drawn for my beta

but I have no idea when I will get my results. I was supposed to call the head nurse at the clinic when I left the lab so she could watch for my results and call me. I tried and tried and kept getting a busy signal. I called the regular message line and left a message, but they don't check those until the end of the day, and half the time (or more) they never even call me back. So I kept trying to call Cathy, the nurse. Tried and tried and tried some more and could not get through. I finally called the gyn clinic (they share an office) about 20 minutes ago and they told me that some of the phones (including Cathy's) are down because they are moving furniture around. So I asked if there was any other way I can reach her, or could they transfer me or get her. They told me all I could do is call the message line.

So, I'm sitting here wondering if I will even get my results today. And basically doubting it. And that really pi$$es me off. I'm going to keep trying to reach Cathy's number and if I don't hear anything soon my husband is going to try to leave work for a bit to go up to the clinic and ask to talk to Cathy or at least try to get them to give her a message to call me.

I'll let ya'll know when (if) I find anything out!

Happy Easter!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter! Hope you are all enjoying the holiday. My little girl had a blast going through her basket and searching for eggs that the Easter Bunny hid for her.
In case anyone is wondering, I'm still testing positive. Last night and this morning. Tomorrow we will know for sure! Hopefully in less than 24 hours!

Still positive....12dpiui; 14dptrigger

Used the Fir$t Re$p0nse Early Result or whatever they are called..... positive this morning. For $hits and grins last night I used the same brand and tested after only waiting maybe 3 hours after my last potty trip and even that came up positive. I figure if I can get a positive at night after only holding my urine for about 3 hours, there's a good chance I can believe it. I will still harbor some doubt until the beta comes back Monday. Thank you to the clinic for that wonderful doubt.

Thank you so much to those of you who have dropped by to lend your support and congratulations! I hope we find out Monday that I didn't jump the gun with my announcement! I'm feeling pretty confident right now... though not confident enough to tell anyone other than those of you who know where I'm at in my cycle. Not even my Mom knows! I'm not sure how long I will wait to tell everyone else.... I know, technically I should wait until after the first trimester because of the chance of miscarriage but I can't wait that long. With my daughter, I waited until after my 6 week scan where we saw the heartbeat. I think this time I will tell my family and those who know enough to ask. Everyone else can wait until after the 6 week scan.

I'm getting pretty excited here! Monday cannot possibly come fast enough! Then of course I'll have to wait to find out the numbers double. Argh! I just want to know now!

The doctor called

She said she wanted to make sure I understood that the test results do not indicate a "true pregnancy", because she got the impression from talking to the nurse that I may not have understood that. According to her, the beta results mean absolutely nothing because it is too early for a pregnancy to register on a beta. It has to be the trigger shot. Never mind that the trigger shot has always been out of my system by this time on my previous cycles. Doesn't mean anything, because it is too early for a pregnancy to show up so it has to be the trigger shot. She said that doesn't mean there's no chance I'm pregnant, it just means that as of right now there's no way a test could show it so we have to assume that I'm not so I don't get my hopes up.

I say bull$hit and quite frankly I am pissed that they are doing this to me. If that beta comes back positive Monday, I have half a mind to give them a piece of my mind! I understand that they don't want to tell me that I am definitely pregnant until they are certain, but do they have to have not just one, but two people call me and tell me that there's no way that test means I'm pregnant?! Couldn't they simply say that until we get a second beta and see the levels rise, we can't be certain what the results mean? At least leave me a little hope? Instead of telling me that there's no way the test results are accurate, basically telling me I'm not pregnant?

I'm going to the store tonight and while I'm there I'm buying the same exact pregnancy tests that I used on the previous 3 cycles. If that comes up positive tomorrow morning, I will feel much better. Because right now this stupid clinic has me very sad and worried.

Beta Results

I had a quantitative beta yesterday afternoon. It came back at 11. When the nurse called me, she absolutely refused to say that I was pregnant. She said the number was really low, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything because we tested so early. They have me going for another one on Monday to see if it is rising. I asked what the doctor had to say about the low number and what it means and all she would say is that technically anything over a 5 is positive but since I did have an hCG trigger shot we won't know anything until Monday. Not exactly what I wanted to head but fine.

At 10dpiui on all 3 of my previous IUIs I was testing negative because the shot was out of my system. So I'm assuming that it would be out of my system this cycle as well. I tested again this morning, 11dpiui, 13 days after the trigger shot, and it still came up positive. I will test again tomorrow and Sunday to reassure myself before I go for the second beta on Monday. I guess that technically they do tell you to wait until 14dpiui to be sure that a positive result is really positive, but all my online research and past experience says that I should be able to believe the positive by now. If not today, definitely tomorrow. That will be 14 days after the trigger shot.

I don't know, that nurse made me have doubt. What do you all think?

Are my eyes deceiving me or is that a BFP?!

10dpiui#4 poas this morning and here are my results


Does anyone else see a + sign in the results window? Because I am quite sure I do! It is obviously still early and I will have to wait for my betas to confirm (already called the doc, waiting for them to call back!) but at 10dpiui I got my first positive with my daughter..... so...... I think I'm pregnant!

Yes, I'm alive

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the support! I am feeling much better now. Took me about 3 days of bedrest, alternating between freezing and sweating my patooty off, and by Saturday I was convinced I had strep throat so I started on some penicillin I had, and by Sunday I was much better. Today I am even better, though not a complete 100%, and I will run out of penicillin tonight. Thought I'd just see what happened when I ran out, but now I'm thinking I should call the doc tomorrow and beg for more. I'm just thinking they aren't going to give it to me. It's hard enough to get meds out of these people even if you go in with a genuine illness or pain, so I can't see them giving me penicillin without seeing the strep for themselves. But I guess it can't hurt to leave a message and ask.

Anyways, the good thing about being sick is that the first week of my 2 week wait passed by pretty quick! I'm still having some pain, on my lower left side of my abdomen mainly. It's tender to the touch and certain movements. I'm hoping it is a good thing and not a bad thing. I'm trying not to stress about whether or not I am pregnant. I know implantation can take place anytime now but I'm trying not to think about it. See? This is how good I'm doing at not thinking about it - I can't stop talking about it! I've been telling myself I will wait until 12 days after the IUI to test, but I never make it that long. Last cycle AF arrived between 12 and 13 days after the IUI so I guess I could just wait and see if that happens again, and if not, test. But I know me, and I will probably start testing at 10dpiui. Which is Thursday. OMG, I can test as soon as Thursday?! No, I should wait. We have company coming Thursday and staying overnight.... might make it hard to test Friday morning. I'd hate to wait until Saturday. I'm not that patient. So maybe I will have to test Thursday. Hey, I buy extra tests for a reason right?

Diagnosis: We have no idea!

Ended up in the ER this morning. Couldn't keep my fever any lower than the upper 102's, which is not conducive to pregnancy (that's what the doc told me last cycle when I was kind of sick at the IUI appointment). Figured that there must be a reason for this - it's the second time I've been sick like this in the past month or so. After waiting about an hour, they took me back to get my vitals. Temp 103.3 Blood Pressure 112/60. Not good! They gave me some more tylenol (I'd been taking it since Friday afternoon), sent me for a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, then sent me back to the waiting room. Where I proceeded to spend about 3 hours sweating out my fever on the hard floor. I was literally dripping in sweat and my clothes were stuck to me. When they finally called me back to a room I curled up on the bed and went to sleep. After a while the doctor finally came and woke me up. Listened to me breathe, looked at my throat. Reviewed my x-ray. Then told me he has no answers for me. Sent me home with instructions to take motrin every 8 hours and tylenol every 4-6 hours. Well, I won't take motrin because it's not pregnancy-friendly, so I've just been taking tylenol about every 4-5 hours. Tried to eat some McD0n@lds when I got home and drank a little bit of a chocolate shake. Within 10 minutes I threw it all up. Around 7pm my fever was at 102.5 again when I took my last dose of tylenol. Fever broke yet again and I sweated it out yet again. Went down to 100.6. Decided I'd better take a shower and eat some crackers. Sent the hubby for some Gator@de because I am severely dehydrated. I couldn't believe they sent me home from the ER without giving me an IV with some fluids. I think they just wanted the bed free. So, I've made it through almost a whole package of crackers and a glass and a half of Gator@de, and I've got to say I'm feeling better. Whether or not it will last remains to be seen.

I never get sick. For me to have this high of a fever twice in the past month or so is very unusual. I can't believe that they have no reason for it. Obviously my body is fighting some sort of infection, but what? What do I do to keep this from happening again? And how am I supposed to get rid of this cough if nobody can find a cause for it? It's very frustrating! And depressing. If I can't keep this fever down there's no way I'm going to keep a pregnancy. And implantation should be taking place in a few days to a week. I hope to God that this is not going to ruin my chances this cycle. I really thought this one was going so well!

Possible Pelvic Infection?

So I've had abdominal pain since the IUI... seems to be getting a little worse. Hurts to cough, hurts when there's a jarring motion like sitting down or going over bumps in the car. Haven't felt very good all day - woke up with a slightly sore throat, and of course the cough is still here.
Now, I've got a fever.... 101.6F about 15 minutes ago. Could this be a pelvic infection? Or just a return of whatever sickness I had a few weeks ago with the fever and sore throat? I'm worried, but don't want to spend 8 hours or more in the ER to find out it's nothing. Anybody have an opinion?

What happened?

Sorry everyone, I haven't gotten the chance to write..... we've been keeping busy with the little one and mother-in-law. Who are enjoying each other very much by the way! ;)

Okay, so we went for the IUI Monday morning and we were a little concerned that the 'sample' seemed smaller than usual. We ended up having to do a quick 'pre-backup' Saturday around noon because we were just too darned tired Friday night, so we were worried maybe we hadn't allowed enough time between, ya know? Anyways, when the doc came into the room, she actually told us that the sp.erm count was higher in this sample than in the previous ones. So apparently we did something right! IUI went fine, the usual pinching during, cramping after. My lower abdomen (I'm assuming my ovaries) is really tender - to the touch, and to coughing and sneezing which causes the muscles around there to clench. But, it's nothing bad and to be expected considering the number of follicles. Still have no way of knowing how many little eggies were released, but I'm seriously hoping (dare I say expecting?) that the combination of the higher count, the pre- and post- IUI backup activity timing, and the possible 3 or more mature follicles will result in pregnancy this cycle. All we can do is wait and see!

Many thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement!!

IUI #4 tomorrow

Hubby gave me the trigger shot at 7pm yesterday and I am sore so I know it went in the right spot! Actually, he got it exactly where the doc drew the x Friday.

So, tomorrow morning, 6:30am, is the IUI. I really wish I knew how many follicles made it to maturity.... hopefully I can at least count on the 3 bigger ones (16.1, 14.6, 14.4), though I'm really hoping 1 or 2 of the 12mm ones made it too. The more follies, the better my chances! I don't think I want all 7 to release though..... odds of high order multiples might be too high then.

Well, we're heading to the bus station to pick my mother-in-law up soon so I might not be on much this week. She leaves Friday....

Please wish me luck tomorrow and pray for several good eggs to release.... and in about a week, for a nice happy little embryo to get nice and comfy for a long stay!

I flashed the doctor my butt

As I was leaving the room, I remember that I wanted to ask about the location of the trigger shot. I'm afraid we have been doing it in the wrong spot and though I'm obviously ovulating each cycle from it, perhaps not properly? I don't know.

Anyways, I asked the doctor if someone could draw me a circle or something to show where the shot should go. So he says, sure no problem, go lean on the table and I'll draw you an x. So I'm leaning against the table, holding my sheet that's wrapped around me with my left hand while trying to maneuver my shirt up and the sheet down a little on the right. Yeah, my left hand failed me and I dropped one end of the sheet. So the doc got a very clear view of my a$$ in the bright lights. Of course I grabbed the sheet right away and covered up and told the doctor I'm sorry and joked it off saying hey, you see these things all the time anyways right? So he draws me my x (which will be so easy to remember from now on because it is literally a couple mm over my tattoo) and I leave the room. As I'm getting dressed all I can think is how it isn't embarassing enough that this guy gets clear views of my you-know-what all the time, now he's gotten a clear view of my a$$ too, not my favorite body part! Oh well, c'est la vie!

Trigger happy

The plan: Inject 1 amp of Gonal-F again tonight, followed by some nocturnal 'activity'; take the hCG trigger shot around 7pm Saturday night; arrive for IUI Monday morning at 6:30.

The follicles currently stand at:
Left Ovary = 12.4mm
Right Ovary = 16.1mm, 14.6mm, 14.4mm, 12.5mm, 12.2mm, 11.9mm
And there are of course still many follies under 10mm on both ovaries.

Asked the doc if we were expecting those 12mm follies to make it and he said no. But considering that the follie on the left ovary was under 10mm yesterday and 3 of those on the right were at 10pointsomething mm, I'm thinking it is possible that some of those 12mm follies could make it to maturity too. They'll still be getting more simulation tonight from the Gonal-F and then they will have until Monday morning to grow before I will ovulate. So.... with any luck we'll have a good chance this cycle.

Does anyone know the odds that all of these follies will make it to maturity? Or if at least the 12 and ups will?

Cough Update

Just thought I'd let ya'll know in case you were wondering.... I did get in to see the doctor Wednesday morning. He seems to think that asthma is causing my coughing. Yes, I had asthma as a child, and yes I have suspected for a long time that it has returned, but I didn't think asthma could suddenly cause a cough that lasts for weeks. I'm not sure what to think though, because after starting the asthma medicine Wednesday after my appointment, my cough is not nearly as bad. Go figure.

Though I couldn't find anything on Dr Google about asthma possibly causing a cough like mine, I did learn of some interesting things that can trigger asthma.... such as hormonal changes. Hmmm, think maybe the Gonal-F could be causing all this? I'm still not sure..... it has been raining a bit again since yesterday and my cough has worsened a little since, so I'm still leaning towards the allergy theory. Something must be getting washed into the air by the rain.

Oh yeah, the medicine the doc decided I needed is called Advair. I looked it up online and everywhere I look it says that it should only be used if other medicines can not control your asthma because Advair has been known to cause severe asthma attacks that can be fatal. Nice. Makes me feel really good about taking this medicine that I'm not even sure I need.

Separate post coming soon about the results of my scan this morning......

Itchy trigger finger

Okay, so I thought I would be triggering today.... if not today, definitely tomorrow. But, it's looking like that's not going to happen. Today I had both good and bad news at my scan. The good news? I have 6 follicles over 10mm with the biggest being 13.4mm. The bad news? I have 6 follicles over 10mm and the biggest is only 13.4mm. So really all 6 of those could make it to maturity, but I'm concerned about all the ones smaller than 10mm. If any of them decide to grow, I'll be canceled this cycle. Doc said they will allow from 5-7 follicles to mature before they will cancel you. That's certainly more than I was expecting. But, the doc did seem concerned that I could end up being canceled too, so he is having me do just 1amp of the Gonal-F tonight and come back tomorrow for labs and a scan again. He's hoping to get the lead follicle to 15mm tomorrow then have me trigger on Saturday. I'm concerned that if I only do 1amp tonight I will either not have any growth, or only the 1 follicle will grow. I've never had any luck with 1 amp, always with 2amps.

So, here is my dilemma..... do I just do the 1amp and hope for the best, or do I take matters into my own hands, play dumb as if I forgot, and do 2 amps. I don't even think they would know if I did, but should I assume the doc knows best and take the chance that I won't get more than 1 mature follicle, if that? Or take a chance and do the 2amps and take the chance some of those under 10mm follicles will grow and I'll get canceled? As everyone knows, my odds of pregnancy increase with the number of follicles..... since I had 3 last cycle and didn't conceive, it seems reasonable to ask for (try for) more this time. What do you think?

In other news.....

Remember this post about my lousy cough? Well, it's still here, but it has morphed a bit. All of my other symptoms have been gone for a while, but I still have allergy-type things going on (sneezing and blowing my nose now and then) and this nasty cough. It is now a sporadic hacking cough, as in it comes and goes throughout the day, but it's like I am gagging on something. Okay, I am gagging on something and I think it's post-nasal drip or something. Whatever it is, it's getting bad. I actually threw up tonight during a coughing fit. I have no clue what the deal could be besides allergies. I've had this stupid cough for 3 weeks now and I'm pretty darn sick of it. Literally it seems. So, perhaps I will give the doctor a call tomorrow. Odds are there won't be any available appointments, but what else can I do? Any aspiring doctors or nurses out there want to give me a diagnosis?

Question about Gonal-F cost

I'm just wondering if anyone out there would like to volunteer how much they are paying for Gonal-F. I am so very lucky that my insurance is covering it and am wondering how great of a deal I am getting. A quick online search tells me it's going for around $50 per 75IU amp, does that sound right? When we used Repronex for conceiving our daughter, the cost was much higher than that. Anyways, I'm just curious....

Responding very well

So the doc called this morning with my lab results. Woke me from a nap - which means I wasn't completely prepared to talk to him and didn't ask the right questions. He said that I am responding very well this time, much better than last time (um, I thought I ended up responding well?). So well in fact that he considered bringing me back to the clinic for a scan today, but decided that based on my slow response last time we'll just continue doing 2 amps a night and I will go back Thursday morning for my scan. That'll be one day sooner than I went in last cycle. So, after waking up more and thinking about it, I called back and left a message. I would rather get the scan done today to make sure I'm not over-responding, rather than take a chance and come in Thursday and end up with a cancelled cycle. Since I had to go to the hospital today anyways with my hubby, I thought we could just go ahead and do the scan. Of course, they didn't call me back all day. So I stopped in there after my hubby's appointment, around 3:30 or so and the doctor had already left for the day. they said just stick with the plan and come back Thursday morning. I'm a little scared that I will be canceled because I'll have too many follicles. But, I guess I should trust the doctor - the one I talked to is actually the head of the IVF department and I believe he is the highest ranking officer there (military clinic) so I guess he knows what he is doing.

So, I'll go back Thursday morning with my fingers crossed. I'd cross my legs too for good measure, but that'd make it pretty hard to have the scan done.....

Is 7 the magic number?

I asked the doctor the big question at my scan on Thursday. How many tries do we get? He gave me a somewhat unclear answer. "Usually we do 3 rounds of oral meds, then 3 rounds of oral meds combined with injectables, then if we're still unsuccessful we do 1 round of injectables before moving on to IVF. So usually we'll do up to 7 IUIs. You've skipped some steps though. Well, there isn't any reason why this shouldn't work for you, but why don't we go ahead and put you on the waiting list for IVF just as a backup plan. The list is up to August of '08 already. I'm going to do that now before I forget and you can go pick up your meds. Oh, and make sure you come back Tuesday for labs." That's basically the way it went down. So I go to get dressed and pick up my meds and start thinking about it. Usually they will do up to 7 IUI's. But only 1 round of injectables. I had 1 IUI with just oral meds (Femara), 1 with a combo of oral meds and injectables (Femara and Gonal-F), then we went to straight injectables because of my poor response to oral meds and past luck with injectables. So we've only had 3 of our 7 IUIs, but we're going on our second round of injectables. So I'm a little unsure as to whether or not we will still get 7 IUIs before having to go to IVF. Obviously we have already broken protocol so does that mean they will continue to break protocol or does that mean they may cut me off at any point here? Could this be our last chance with IUI? I'm trying not to think about it, but the thought keeps creeping into my head. What if this is our last chance? What if it doesn't work?

We haven't given IVF a lot of thought, but our initial response was that we probably wouldn't do it. I definitely need to research it more and find out what is involved in an IVF cycle because when I expressed concern over the amount of time involved and not being able to make multiple appointments a week, etc, which I thought was necessary with IVF, the doc told me that there really isn't much more involved than what I'm doing right now. I usually go in 4 times each cycle including the day of the IUI itself. He said there'd probably only be one extra appointment needed for an IVF cycle. I can do that! But we will have to pay part of it out of pocket and the hubby isn't too keen on that. Granted, it's minimal compared to what others have to pay, but when there are no guarantees it's tough to decide what to do. If we didn't have our wonderful daughter I would do it in a heartbeat. Pay any amount. But I'm just not sure how far we should go to pursue this now. We obviously want another child very much and would love to give our daughter a sibling (and boy would she love it too, you should hear her!), but at what expense? At what point do we decide that it's just not meant to be?

It's not fair that we have to even think about these things! It should be as simple as saying "Gee, I think the times about right to give bugaboo a brother or sister. If we start trying now we should be pregnant by the end of the year." Wham bam thank you ma'am a handful of times and it's done. Not this crap of "Gee, how many needle pokes and hormone variations can my body handle; do we have time to squeeze a cycle in this month between business trips; will hubby be able to take time off work again and again to watch bugaboo while I go to appointments; how much money can we scrape together if we live on mac'n cheese for the rest of the year so we can do IVF?" This is such total bull$hit and I would love to know why this happens to us. Why were we the ones chosen by God to go through this? I think I'm going to devote a post to this subject soon. A why me post. Because damn do I ask that question a lot.

IUI#4 coming right up.....

So, one good thing has come out of this early arrival of AF. We can definitely get another cycle in right away. And it shouldn't interfere with my mother-in-law's visit either. And, since the neighborhood kids are all on spring break right now, I might be able to let my daughter sleep normally while I go for my appointment Thursday morning. I'm going to ask the nice lady across the street from me if one of her very nice teenage boys (really, they are all SO nice!) would be willing to come over around 5am and either sleep on the couch or play xbox or watch tv while I go to my appointment and IF my daughter wakes up, either call their Mom or my good friend who also lives across the street to come over and get my daughter up, changed, and fed. I'm thinking $20 should do the trick, but I could be wrong. After all, I wouldn't want to get up at 5am during my spring break! But, they are good boys and I'm pretty sure they will help me out.
If not, I'm okay with taking my daughter with me this time, but I hate to mess her schedule up like that. She's only 2 1/2 and it is not fair to wake her up 4+/- hours early and take her to the clinic where she will have to be quiet and relatively contained for approximately 2 hours. Plus I really hate to subject her to watching me get blood drawn, though she has been there for it a couple times before and I've been able to distract her with a sucker. Not to mention seeing Mama strip from the waist down in some strange place and go into a dimly lit room where a strange man does strange things to her with his magic wand! Guess it would provide a perfect excuse to have the whole 'how special babies like her are made' and 'why mommy cries' discussions!

Talked to Dr L again this afternoon. You may remember him from last month in this post. Not proving himself to be the brightest bulb in the bunch at the clinic. I called asking for reasons why my period arrived so much earlier this cycle and expressing concern over a possible early miscarriage and possible progesterone/luteal phase problem and whether or not progesterone supplements might be a good idea after the next IUI. Dr L told me there is no way to know if it was an early miscarriage or not (I think a beta today might have told us) and that I should just assume my period just arrived early and nothing is wrong. He told me that they don't believe there's any benefit to progesterone use so they don't do it at the clinic. Now, I asked about the progesterone before because my RE/clinic in Nebraska had a standard practice of having everyone use the progesterone supplements after ovulation because if your progesterone level drops for some reason, you will miscarry. It can't hurt to add the supplements as a precaution. The docs originally told me that it is not standard practice at this clinic but if there is a luteal phase defect they will use it. Now Dr L makes it sound like they won't even check the progesterone or even consider there could be a problem and either way they won't give me the supplements. Argh! Even if I can talk them into doing a progesterone check, which I doubt, that is usually done at 7dpiui and by then it is too late to do anything. If your level is too low at that point, you're pretty much SOL.

Anyways, I'm just getting sick of always seeing and talking to different doctors and getting different information. It was so nice at my civilian clinic in Nebraska because there were only 2 RE's at the clinic and they had a certain number of patients at any given time so that they could be familiar with all aspects of your case and therefore make the proper decisions. And all the nurses there were just as knowledgable as the doctors so it was easy to get your questions answered.

I hope that one of the 'smart' doctors is there Thursday and that I can get my questions answered. I'm really concerned about this early period. I'd really like to know if it could be a miscarriage. I know that sounds kind of strange - it's not that I want it to be a miscarriage, just that if it is, I think I have the right to know and properly mourn it. Does that make any sense? Plus, if it is a very early miscarriage it could indicate a problem that we need to correct.

Oh, for those of you who have not had reason to research these kinds of things, a very early miscarriage is often called a chemical pregnancy and is actually not that uncommon. It's just that most people don't even know they are taking place, because the miscarriage occurs so early on that they don't even know they were pregnant in the first place. It seems like it is just a normal period arriving. Most chemical pregnancies end in miscarriage by the 6th week of pregnancy. Since most women don't even know they are having one, that tells me a lot of the miscarriages must take place at the same time as an expected period, which would be around cd28 for the 'average' woman, or around 2 weeks after ovulation. Today (Tuesday) would be cd26 for me, 13days after ovulation. Anyways, it just seems to me that it is possible this was a chemical pregnancy. But I guess I'll never know.

Sorry for the long post, I've just got a lot on my mind and am using this post to sort some stuff out in my head!

Quick question....

for anyone out there who may know. I was not expecting AF until Friday. After both of my previous iui's, AF arrived 16dpiui. Today is only 13dpiui and AF arrived around midnight last night. I am having pretty bad cramps and am wondering if this is possibly a very early miscarriage? Is that possible? I know I have read that it is not uncommon for an early miscarriage to take place, just that most people assume it is their period coming because they were not expecting to be pregnant. But we all know pregnancy was a definite possibility for me and with AF arriving almost 4 days early, I'm wondering if something could have gone wrong. Anyone know anything about this?

The wait is over....

Logging back on in the storm (lots of lightening, booming thunder, rattling dishes!) to let you know the wait is over. AF arrived.

Power just flickered, better get off. More when I know the plan......

100th post

Wish I had more exciting news for my 100th post, but I don't. Test this morning was negative. This morning was pretty bad. I was convinced that there is no hope for a pregnancy this cycle. But thanks to the encouraging comments left after my post on The Stirrup Queens' Virtual Lushary, I'm feeling a little hope again. With any luck it won't be completely dashed in the morning when I take another test. I would definitely expect a positive by 13dpiui. I think if it is negative tomorrow I can just wait for AF to arrive on Friday. Right now I'm trying to figure out how I can do another IUI right away. Hubby won't be home until the 19th and I would need to go for my cd3 baselines Sunday, or possibly Monday. I can wake my daughter up and bring her with me but I'm not sure they will let me. If I don't get a positive test by Wednesday I will call the clinic and check on that. If I can start a new cycle, the next IUI would probably be March 28, while my mother-in-law is visiting. Hopefully that won't be awkward!

Reasons I'm expecting another negative tomorrow: I'm kind of crampy and nauseous tonight, and this happened around the same time last cycle, which obviously failed. I'm breaking out just like last cycle. I'm crabby and emotional, typically a sign Af is coming.

Reasons I'm still hopeful for a positive: Nausea could be a sign of pregnancy right? Who knows what the cramps can be blamed on. Breaking out is caused by stress, not just AF coming, and it could even be caused by pregnancy hormones. And finally, being crabby and emotional is really nothing new for me, so aside from the cramps everything could just as easily be blamed on pregnancy as AF.

Guess we'll see what happens tomorrow!

Waiting and waiting..... and dreading the result

So I did take an early test today, but it was of course negative. Mainly to be sure the hCG shot was out of my system, but really hoping for a positive anyways to give me hope. It's 11dpiui today.
So, I have one test left..... trying to decide if I want to use it tomorrow or wait one more day. I'll probably end up using it tomorrow then getting more if needed. Despite originally being so hopeful for this cycle, I'm beginning to expect a negative result. I did have a dream Friday night that I gave birth to twin boys..... but in the dream one of my sisters disappeared with one of them and I was running frantic all over the hospital and grounds looking for him. After a c-section too, and my incision hadn't been stitched for some reason. Very vivid and scary dream, but I woke up with the hope that my body was trying to tell me something. Either that I am pregnant with twins or that I am at least pregnant with one baby, hence the 'vanishing twin'. Hopefully not that I'm pregnant with twins but will lose one. I don't think I could handle that. But either way, since getting a negative test already, I'm losing hope.
I don't know if I can keep doing this. The waiting and not knowing just wreaks havoc on me. And every negative test is like a knife in my heart. And each failed cycle makes me wonder more and more whether or not this is going to happen for us. Maybe we will have to give up our dream of expanding our family. I don't even know how we would make that decision. This is something that we want so badly and never dreamed we wouldn't be able to have.
Well, I guess that we will have to wait a few more days to know anything for sure. AF is expected on the 16th. I'll probably keep testing until the 14th, then accept defeat. Please keep praying for a positive test! I know I spend most of the day (and night) doing just that.....

I see a break in the clouds....

I'm feeling much better today. My voice is almost back to normal and I'm not coughing very often. So far my daughter seems to have avoided the billions of germs I have sprayed into the air for almost 2 weeks. Hubby on the other hand, is feeling a bit down today. Hopefully it is just a regular cold and not what I had. He's got a trip coming up for work (leaving Thursday) so he really can't be sick right now. But at least it looks like I won't be sick while I'm the only one to take care of our daughter 24/7 for almost 2 weeks!

My cat has stopped using his injured leg. He now hops around the house. It's cute, but we're really worried about him. I'll be dropping him off at the vet Thursday and he is going to have a colleague of his evaluate our cat and see if he comes up with the same diagnosis, without prior info. Then from there they will re-evaluate him for surgery. We really don't want him to go through another surgery - he doesn't do well with stitches (pulls them out), he's getting old (13), and he's already had 2 surgeries on that leg to remove tumors in the past 6 months or so. Plus, I hate to say it, but he's wreaking havoc on our check book. His two other surgeries cost us around $1000 total and we just put out another $300 for x-rays and multiple visits to determine what's wrong and meds. I'm not saying we won't get him the surgery if he needs it, but geez, can we get a break here please?

So far the 2 week wait hasn't been bad. Probably because it has only been 5 days and those have passed pretty quickly with being sick. Another week and I can take an hpt. I can't wait! And yet, I'm also dreading it!

Could it be a sign?

I woke up yesterday morning and proceeded with my normal routine.... after washing my face, I noticed something laying on the floor by the bed. It was the bracelet I've been wearing as part of Infertility's Common Thread. It came off. Now, it was loose this past Monday, so I took it off and retied it on a little snugger. So I guess it could just be that I didn't tie it on tight enough, but I'd rather think of it as a sign that I've become fertile for this cycle and that this time it will work! Of course, I put the bracelet back on, because whether I get pregnant or not, I am still an infertile and want to show my support for all the others out there like me. I haven't encountered anyone else with the bracelet yet, but you never know when it could happen!

The List

Went to the doctor today because I am still miserable. Of course they ran through their list of symptoms asking me what I have..... headache, check; sore throat, check; runny nose, check; itchy watery eyes, check; fever, check; congestion, check; most annoying f-ing cough in the world, double freaking check.

This all started last Thursday with a sore throat and slight earache. If only it were so easy! Instead, the symptoms keep changing! Now, it's this darned cough that has made me lose my voice (yeah, I sound real sexy right now!), keeps me from playing with my daughter for fear of contaminating her, keeps me pretty much confined to the couch from exhaustion and need to restrict the germy areas, and has kept me from getting a decent bit of sleep for 3 days! I am so stinking tired and feel so crappy that all I want to do is crawl into bed and stay there. Even if I can't sleep, it feels so good to rest my voice - something you can't do with a 2 year old around all day. This sucks. And I have to admit that it ticks me off that with us stay-at-home mom's, we always have to just deal with it when we are sick. We still have to be awake and functioning all day long no matter how crappy we feel. There is no one else to take care of the children so we have to do it no matter what. At least if our hubby's get sick, they can stay home from work and rest, while we take care of the kids as we normally would. It's so hard to get better when you can't get the rest that is needed to kick a virus.

Okay, enough bitchin'. IUI was this morning and it went fine. Doc said unless I have a fever over 101 it shouldn't interfere with conception. I was too embarassed to ask whether or not my coughing will force the 'stuff' out or make the little embryo not want to stick around. So I guess we just keep our fingers crossed and hope! The 2 week wait begins again.....

Return of The Folliculator

Good news today..... 2 follicles good to go, 1 close. Left ovary had a 17.2, a 17.0, some 10's, a 9.2 and about 20 more under 10mm. Right ovary has a 13.something, and about 15 under 10mm. Normally we would wait until the lead follicle is 18mm or more before triggering, but we are triggering tonight so that we can avoid all those 10mm follicles hitting a growth spurt and causing the cycle to be canceled. So.... trigger shot in the re@r around 7pm tonight, IUI Wednesday morning around 6:30am. Then the long wait begins again! But I'm really excited this time! This is the kind of cycle I've been waiting for.... it has all the things I wanted - I didn't have to use provera, we used injectables for the whole cycle, I have 2 ready to go follicles and 1 almost there follicle that may or may not make it to ovulation. I've been convinced from the start that this is what I need to have a successful cycle. Let's hope I was right!

I'm off to take my kitty to the vet again in about 20 minutes. Hope we can figure out what's wrong with his leg!

UPDATE: I forgot to mention my awesome endometrial lining... 10.something mm, which is my best so far.
Also, it appears my kitty tore his ACL (muscle or tendon?) in his knee. Recovery can be up to 3 months and it can be a reoccuring injury. Goal is to keep him comfy and as inactive as possible for a cat. Yeah, like that's possible!

Where did Saturday go?

I must've missed it. Oh, wait, maybe it passed while I was lying in bed miserable? Yeah, that certainly seems possible, considering I was delirious with fever, which peaked at 102.8 yesterday. Stayed over 101 the entire day. Should've known the day was shot when I woke up freezing so much I was shivering in the warm weather we're having here. After wrapping me up in 2 blankets and putting 2 more on top of those, my hubby took my temp and declared me very ill. He spent the entire day caring for me and our daughter, which is a difficult task in and of itself! It took several hours of frequently-renewed cold compresses and lots of rest to bring the fever down. I literally could barely move; even getting up to use the bathroom was scary because I was dizzy. By yesterday evening my fever was down to around 100 and I was feeling less on the brink of death. By early this afternoon (Sunday) I was feeling much better. A shower definitely helped, as did some food, and a much needed hug from my daughter (being very careful not to breathe on her!). Still not 100%, but definitely on my way. Thank God this illness happened on a weekend, because there's no way I could've cared for my daughter through this one, like I usually do.

Anyways, sum it all up to say that my hubby was wonderful this weekend. And, tomorrow is my ultrasound - hopefully there will be good news!

Please pray for my kitty

My oldest cat, who we call Bubba-Sam, has been having some issues with his left leg. He had 2 tumors removed at different times in the past 6 months or so. Tuesday evening he started limping on that same leg. We took him to the vet Wednesday and after some expensive x-rays we were told it was probably arthritis or a possible fracture, but the x-rays needed to be reviewed by a specialist. Sam was put on an anti-inflammatory and we've just been waiting to hear back about the x-rays. Since Wednesday, his limping has gotten worse and he is having a lot of trouble with his jumping. Where he could normally jump on the bed with no problems, he now doesn't make it half the time. Even jumping on the couch is hard for him. I spoke with the doctor today and the specialist didn't see any bony problems on the x-ray so we don't know what is wrong. He should be getting better, not worse. I'm going in a few minutes to pick up a second anti-inflammatory/pain medication to try to bring him some relief.

Please pray for him. He truly is the greatest cat ever - he is 13 years old but still such a sweety. He actually enjoys being held like a baby and will let my 2 year old do just about anything to him (make her dolls sit on him like a horse, etc). He has the greatest personality and we all absolutely adore him. We're afraid that if he continues to decline, we will be forced to euthanize him. We don't want him to suffer, but we really don't want to lose him. My daughters little heart will break into pieces and she will not understand why Sam is gone. I still haven't figured out how to explain the hamster dying - I keep telling her she is hiding and sleeping. Please pray that Bubba makes a full recovery. He's really got us worried.

Talked to the doctor...

I don't think they know what they are doing. I talked to a different doctor (Dr L) than I saw either time this cycle (or ever before I think). This guy tells me that they won't really know how I'm responding to the current dose until my ultrasound on Monday. I questioned why the other doctor had me come in for bloodwork only this Wednesday then. He said sometimes they can get an idea from the bloodwork. So I said, yeah, well my E2 was really low and that's why I'm thinking we should increase the dose. He says that the low E2 level is definitely a concern, but that since Dr K had already increased my dose Wednesday we needed to wait until Monday. Um, NO, Dr K did NOT increase my dose Wednesday, he told me to stay on the same dose the Dr R had started me on Sunday. So Dr L says that Dr R knows a lot more about this sort of thing than he does so he's going to stick with the dose Dr R gave me.

I'm wondering why, if Dr R knows so much more than Dr L and probably even Dr K, why didn't anyone bother to consult him about my low E2 levels Wednesday? In any case, I am still taking the 2 amps every night and I will go on Monday and pray that there has been some good growth on my follicles. Hopefully I am just a slow responder and needed to get a couple more days of the current dose in before my body started working right. 2amps worked when we conceived my daughter, but the PCOS has worsened (and I've put on some weight) since then so maybe I'm more resistant. I am just going to pray to God that this dose works for me and that we can get our IUI done before my hubby goes out of town. I'd be happy with 2 mature follicles. Sometime before March 4. Please please please!

The First of Many

My daughter fell yesterday playing with her friends trike. Brave little girl got right back up and wanted to play more - I had to force her in the house to get her boo-boo cleaned up and bandaged. Normally I wouldn't worry, if it's just a small scratch or something, but instead it was this:

On the beautiful porcelain skin of her arm. And I just know her elbows and knees will look like this all summer - my knees were always bandaged when I was little. I am SO not looking forward to it!
Can you believe that brave little girl didn't even cry? I'm quite sure I would've cried if it was me!

The plan remains the same

Continue with 2 amps Gonal-F every night, come back Monday morning for labs and ultrasound. Estradiol was only 69.something which is really low so apparently I'm under-stimulating, meaning I'm not responding as hoped. But, rather than up the dose, since they continue to be so terrified of my polycystic ovaries, I am to continue on the same dose and come back Monday to see if there's been a change.

I'm thinking I will call and leave them a message asking if there is any way we can recheck on Friday and if I'm still under-responding we can up the dose, or if we can simply up the dose now and I can come in Saturday if they are going to be there and then if I'm over-responding we can go back down to 2 amps. I'm just worried because my hubby is going out of town March 9 so this IUI has to be done by then. I think I need to remind them of that.

Well, guess we'll see....

The new plan + Why my RE's fear me

New plan is to inject 2 amps of Gonal-F for 3 nights, then go Wednesday morning for bloodwork. Based on those results, we will determine when my next ultrasound will be. I'm anticipating Friday.

Why my RE's fear me - at my baseline ultrasound today I had an estimated 25 ready-to-grow follicles on my left ovary and 12 on my right ovary. That basically means that it is possible, though not probable, that I could get 37+ mature follicles this cycle. Now, I think that would require some serious doses of the meds and would most likely put me in the hospital with OHSS, but if for some freakish reason we wanted to, we could get many many eggs. I'm probably an IVF (IVF generally aims for a high number of follicles/eggs) doctor's worst nightmare and greatest fantasy all-in-one!
The thing is, with IVF the eggs are removed and then a certain number of embryos are implanted. So you can produce 20 eggs and have only 3 fertilized embryos implanted if you wish. The remaining eggs can be frozen and used later as needed. Of course, IVF is a much more complicated and difficult process than IUI. I'm hoping we don't need to move to IVF.
With IUI, however many eggs there are, that's how many could be 'fertilized'. So generally if you have too many mature follicles, your cycle will be canceled. Or you could be converted to IVF, but we'd have to pay for that. Anyways, the docs are worried that I will produce too many follicles to safely do IUI. So we have to be really careful with doses and monitoring because I am high risk for multiples and for OHSS. And we'd definitely like to avoid both of those!

In summary, I am a super-follicle producer, or as my husband likes to say , I am "The Folliculator." And that is why my RE's fear me.

Obviously I will update when I have more info....

The fat lady has sung

AF arrived late this morning, shortly after the clinic finally called with my beta results. Negative, obviously. The good news is that we can start another IUI cycle right away. I go in for my cd3 baseline labs and ultrasound this Sunday. I know we will be going straight into the injectable Gonal-F this time, but I don't know yet if they are going to want to do a combo of that and the Femara. Guess I'll know in a couple days! Oh, and I'm so happy - I don't have to get up before 5am like usual! Sunday scans start at 9:30, with labs at 9am, so I'm figuring I'll get there around 8:45.... which means I can sleep until 7:45, almost 3 extra hours! Woo-Hoo!

Can you smell that?

Yeah, that nasty, rotten smell? Sorry, that would be my dead hamster stinking up the neighborhood. Just discovered her today.... I'm guessing she died 2 days ago.... it would have to have been at night too because I remember my daughter wanted to hold her so my hubby took her out of the cage, but she wasn't being friendly. I feel really bad that we didn't know she was dead until today. Her poor boyfriend hamster is depressed - and I haven't figured out yet how to explain to a 2 1/2 year old that one of her pets died. I'd like to just replace her, but I don't think Riven (the boy hamster) will take to another hamster right now. He was pretty fond of Myst! Oh well, guess we shall see what happens.

On another note, I went in for a quantitative beta Wednesday afternoon, but unfortunately the nurse neglected to call me with the results today. Despite promising me she "won't leave me hanging" when I talked to her Wednesday. After telling her I was going insane and just wanted to be put out of my misery, one way or another. And after I called and left a message early this afternoon reminding them to have someone call me with the results. So, I guess I'll find out somehow tomorrow, whether it is with AF showing up as I expect her to, or with the clinic finally calling me with the results. Still holding on to some hope for a positive. I'll let you know when I know!

I give up.

No more testing. Shouldn't be necessary anyways. I expect that AF will arrive by the weekend. The sooner the better, because there is a small chance we can get in another cycle before hubby goes out of town again. I'm waiting for the dr to call me back with the new game plan and to tell me if they think they can get a complete cycle, including IUI, done by March 8, assuming AF starts by Saturday. I also will have to remember to ask what I should do if I start today or tomorrow, or even Friday since the clinic is closed this Friday and all the way through Tuesday so they won't be there for my cd3 monitoring. They better not tell me we can't do a cycle because of that! Someone can come in on their 4 day weekend for an hour.

Anyways, I'll let you know when I find out. Plan to be gone part of the day today - I need to get my glasses fixed. Darned nose piece keeps falling off and this last time I couldn't find it.

A little, okay a lot of, background

Since I feel like whining, and I also feel like going back through all this infertility shit, here's a little background on our 'journey'. I went off birth control when we got married in 2001. We immediately started trying to get pregnant, but with few and far between periods and never getting positive OPK's (ovulation predictor kit), we couldn't exactly time things. But nevertheless, we were your average newlyweds and had a healthy sex life so by the standard odds, we should have gotten pregnant. But of course we didn't. Towards the end of 2002, after trying on our own for about a year and a half, we finally convinced a doctor to give me a referral to an obgyn that specialized in infertility. But first, he wanted to try 'resetting my system' with 3 months of birth control. So we wasted 3 more months on that. Finally, around May of 2003 we got to see the obgyn. She diagnosed me with PCOS and started me on Clomid. We did 3 rounds of Clomid, going up to 150mg and I never even ovulated. We always had to use Provera to induce a period so we could start another round of meds. So, after 3 failed rounds of Clomid, I got a referral to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). They confirmed the PCOS with an ultrasound that showed the classic 'black pearl necklace' around my ovaries. They decided to try another round of 150mg Clomid, with blood tests and ultrasound monitoring, followed by an hCG trigger shot. We never got to the shot, because I once again didn't respond to the Clomid. So, the next step was injectables with IUI. Our insurance would not cover any part of an IUI (meds, monitoring, etc), so we decided to try a round of injectables with timed intercourse to see how I responded to the injections. Took 2 weeks of Repronex shots, but finally we were able to do the hCG trigger shot, do our thing, and we got lucky! 13 days after the hCG shot, I got a positive home pregnancy test. Our beautiful daughter was conceived in November of 2003, after over 2 years of trying, and she was born in August of 2004.

After her birth, I went on birth control per doctor recommendation, but after finding out that PCOSers can sometimes be more fertile in the year after giving birth, we decided it was worth a shot and went off birth control when our daughter was 3 months old. We've been trying to get pregnant ever since, but have faced the same problem with no ovulation. Finally managed to get another referral for infertility last year, and after sitting on a waiting list for several months, we went in August of 2006 for our consult. We had been trying on our own for almost 2 years. Of course, they wanted to try Clomid again, so we did. Failed of course. Moved on to Femara with IUI. First IUI failed. Second cycle of Femara with IUI ended up almost being cancelled because I wasn't responding to the Femara anymore. I convinced my doctor to add some injectables into the mix to try to salvage the cycle, so we did. Took my hCG trigger shot Jan 29 and had the second IUI Jan 31. So far, hpt's are showing me nothing but blank white space staring me in the face where I should be seeing a pretty pink line.

General consensus seems to be that the average couple will get pregnant within 6 months of actively trying. 90% of women will conceive within a year. You are generally considered infertile if 1 year of properly timed intercourse doesn't result in pregnancy. Unfortunately for many of us infertiles, there is no such thing as 'properly timed intercourse' without medical intervention. In my case, I never ovulate. I produce multiple follicles on a regular basis, but they never make it to maturity and never release. Hence, the pearl necklace on my ovaries - all the follicles the have not, and will not, mature. I have been told by many, including complete strangers, to just relax, if it's meant to be it will happen, it must be God's will, God doesn't give us more than we can handle, are we sure we're doing it right, why don't we just adopt, if we adopt we'll get pregnant, it happened for so and so, and on and on. It's not uncommon for a stranger to ask me why my daughter doesn't have a sibling yet, what am I waiting for, don't wait too long, you don't want an only child, etc, etc.

Infertility is not something that people choose. If you have never been through infertility, you cannot imagine what it is like. It is emotionally, physically, and for many financially, stressful. It puts strain on your marriage. It takes the joy out of sex. It wears you down and takes over your life. It makes you crazy and angry and resentful. I've heard of it ruining friendships because it is hard for an infertile to celebrate birth after birth for another. It makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. Like you are a failure. Your friends and family can get pregnant, why can't you? The crack whore on the street corner can get pregnant, why can't you? The people who beat and molest their children can get pregnant, why can't you? How is this God's will? Why should I believe that God would rather give the meth addict a baby to kill, then give me one to love? Who the hell are you to tell me that this is God's will? I'm sorry, this is getting too hard and I am probably going to go too far. Forgive me, I'm very upset.

Odds are getting slimmer and slimmer...

Negative again. According to the instructions, 93% of pregnant women would have a positive test by today. And according to the internet, that is allowing for 6% screwing up the test somehow. In lab testing by the companies themselves, 99% of pregnant women would have a positive by today. Since I would consider myself a damn hpt expert, as I'm sure most infertiles would, that means that there is a 1% chance that I am pregnant. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not pregnant. I'll use my last hpt tomorrow and then just wait for AF to come. She should be here by Friday. I'm really not sure if we can fit in another cycle either.... hubby has trips for work, have to decide if there's any chance of getting in a whole cycle before he could be leaving.

SO I'm just wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm not supposed to get my hopes up, because it just makes the negative results worse. But how the hell can you go through something like this without having hope? You have to have hope that the treatments will work. And how about when you are developing some possible symptoms of pregnancy? Damn it, I had strange cramps and twinges at the right time for implantation, I've had a couple bouts of nausea (no vomiting, but feeling like I could), my bre@sts have been a little tender, my stomach has been more sensitive and upset, my lower abdomen feels a little 'tight' or 'full', and I've got horrible acne and oily skin issues. These certainly aren't normal PMS symptoms for me. Well, except the acne. Oh, and have I mentioned the freaking exhaustion? Guess it must all be caused by the extra hormones from the injections. But dammit, I feel pregnant and I am totally pissed right now! I really feel like having a nice long rant on the complete unfairness of all of this shit. Actually, what I really feel like doing is vegging out on the couch, watching whatever I want to watch, and even being able to hear it, instead of the non-stop jabbering/shouting of a 2 year old!

Still negative

In case anyone was wondering. Feeling discouraged. Must go bake.

Quick Update

Just wanted to pop in and tell ya'll that this mornings test yielded another negative..... but I'm still hopeful. I'm not sure why, but I think there might be a positive hpt in my near future. I've just had some kinda weird symptoms this past week+.... some strange cramping.... a little nausea..... extreme fatigue. Nothing constant, though the fatigue lasts until evening every day and the cramps came and went for several days. The nausea has only happened a couple times in the late evening. Hopefully they are early pregnancy symptoms. Keep praying!

My baby is growing up.

My baby girl is getting to be such a big girl. She has a huge independent streak and can carry on a better conversation than some adults I know. And now, she has a big girl bed. No more crib. We are hoping to be needing the crib by the end of the year so we talked about getting a toddler bed. And she needed a new dresser. So we went looking for dressers first, figuring we would just get her the Dor@ toddler bed from W@lm@rt. Pretty much everywhere we looked at dressers had bedroom sets.... and our little girl fell in love with the big girl beds. And we fell in love with one particular set. But, we didn't plan on spending that much money, so we kept looking. And looking. We couldn't find a nice, affordable dresser that wasn't in some sort of pattern that would be difficult to match down the road when she would outgrow the toddler bed.

So, we went through some figures in our head and decided that by getting a bedroom set now, instead of a toddler bed and dresser that we might have to replace because it won't match (I know, it doesn't have to, but it would really bother me if it didn't!), we would be saving ourselves about three hundred dollars. Because dressers are expensive. $250 was the average going rate.

So we shopped around for the set we liked, comparing prices, found the lowest, then went to a competitor and got them to beat it. And we were able to bring it all home with the van so we saved on delivery. If I do say so myself, we got a good deal. And our big girl is so excited and happy to have a big girl bed. So far she has spent 4 nights in it, and she has slept her normal 11-12 hours. And stayed in bed the whole time. Without a rail on the side, because we couldn't find one that would work without a box-spring. I am so proud of her!

And for those of you wondering how the testing or not-testing has gone.... Friday morning I got a negative hpt, so I know the hCG from the trigger shot is out of my system. Tomorrow is the soonest I think I could get a positive so I'll probably test tomorrow morning. And continue testing until I get a positive, or AF arrives. If I have any willpower in the morning, I will hold off from testing until Monday. But we all know I have no willpower so you can probably expect an update tomorrow. Let's pray for good news!

Gettin' Antsy

As of Thursday morning I will be 8dpiui (days past iui), 10 days after my trigger shot. When I initially thought about testing, I had thought I would try to wait until 12dpiui, or 14 days after the trigger shot. Now I'm re-thinking it. Last cycle, I got my first negative hpt at 10dpiui, 12 days after the trigger shot.... when I got pregnant with my daughter, I got my first positive hpt (it was the first time I tested so don't know if it would have registered sooner or not) after the trigger shot. So, by my reasoning, if I test on Saturday, which will be 10dpiui, I stand a good chance of getting an accurate result. If it's negative, that doesn't necessarily mean it will stay negative, because it could be too soon to tell. But if it's positive, there's a definite chance it really is positive. And that would give me hope.... which I'm not sure would be good or bad to have.
In case that was all a bit confusing, I'll sum it up - based on past experience, the trigger shot should be out of my system by 10dpiui. But, it may be too soon to tell if I'm pregnant or not on an hpt. So I'm thinking that I will test on Saturday, 10dpiui and see what happens. Of course, I could change my mind.... if I can convince myself to wait longer, it would be good. Because I'm pretty sure that if I wait until 12dpiui and manage to get a positive hpt, then I am pregnant, whereas anything positive before then could, just maybe, be the remnants of the trigger shot, and anything negative before then could just mean my hormone levels from the pregnancy aren't high enough to register.
Hmmmm, wonder what I will do....

11.5 days to go...

So far I haven't obsessed too much. I did have very sore abdominal muscles and a very sore lower abdomen for 2 days after the IUI, but that seems to have gotten better today. Probably a lingering reaction to the hCG shot. I've been trying to rest a lot, which isn't very easy with an extremely active 2 year old, but I have spent a decent amount of time on the couch. I figure the easier I take it, the more likely an embryo will want to hang around! I'm a little concerned that my endometrial lining was smaller than usual, but the doctors didn't say anything about it so I guess it must be okay. Hopefully it has bulked up since the last ultrasound! Implantation, if it will occur, should take place anytime between this Monday and next Monday. I plan to spend plenty of time stroking my tummy and telling the little embryo to settle in and make itself comfortable!

On a different note....tomorrow is the Superbowl! I still haven't figured out how I'm going to keep my daughter happy while we take the tv over from her (I swear, she is so spoiled, she has her shows on all day!). But, we'll work something out because we have to root for our team! Should be a great game! GO DA BEARS!

2 week wait, day 1

I am now officially in the 2 week wait. I hate waiting. It seems to me, that with all the modern advancements of medicine, they should be able to tell you sooner whether or not you are pregnant. I understand the whole "implantation doesn't take place immediately" etc etc, but it doesn't make the waiting any easier.

I am enlisting you to help keep me sane during this wait. Let me know if there is anything you'd like me to post about..... anything that will help pass the time! Also, I'm open to suggestions of things to do to keep my mind off what may or may not be taking place inside my uterus. Crafts, cool web sites to check out, anything! Come on gals (and guys).... help me out please! Oh, and extra prayers would be appreciated too! Thanks!

Just goes to show.....

I know my body better than any doc! Despite Dr K telling me how slim the chances were that adding the injections at this point would make any difference, I now have one good follicle! I'd prefer 2 or 3, but since this cycle was supposed to be a bust, I'm happy with one! The dominant follicle on my left ovary has grown to 18.1mm. I will get my hCG trigger shot tonight (actually, hubby is supposed to do it this time) and report to the clinic at 6:30am Wednesday morning for the IUI. My poor little snickerdoodle will have to be woken up by 5:30am to get ready to go to the clinic with us. One of the major downfalls of no family in the area - it's so unfair to drag a 2 year old out of bed 4 hours early. But at least we've been able to avoid doing it much - this is only the second time in the past few months.

Don't worry, I promise not to post any pictures of my butt with a needle in it! There's no way I'm going to stop hubby, in the middle of giving his first intra-muscular injection, to take pictures!

Please keep us in your prayers..... with hubby's busy schedule, I don't know when we'll get the chance to do this again. We can use all the help we can get!

Gonal-F How-To

Okay, here's the basic steps of giving yourself an injection of Gonal-F:


Using the large needle, put the saline into the bottle with the powder. Swirl gently to mix. Suck the mixture back up into the syringe.


Remove the large needle and put the small needle on the syringe. Force the air out of the syringe.


Ready, set, GO! I've found the only way I can do it is to just stab the needle in from a couple inches away. Once the needle is in, slowly inject the medicine - go fast and it hurts more!

That's all there is to it!

I hope you're not calling with bad news.....

That's what I said when I answered my phone this afternoon and discovered it was Dr K calling me from the clinic. Unfortunately, he was calling with bad news. Although my ultrasound looked similar to last cycle, my labs told a different story. My estradiol level plummeted when it should have been rising. I am not responding to the Femara anymore - must have been a fluke last cycle. Doc said the cycle is a bust and we will just plan to start injectibles next cycle. But because I am a pushy be-atch who knows her $hit when it comes to the fertility treatments I asked if there is any way we can salvage this cycle. For example, could we supplement with injectables now and try to get those follicles going again, and since I won't ovulate on my own anyways we can just add some time on to the cycle by using the injections and do the IUI later than planned? Doc said chances are slim that it will work, but not impossible, so he's willing to give it a shot (get it, give it a shot? heehee). So, I went back to the clinic this afternoon and after about 2 hours finally managed to get my meds (doc forgot to put them in the system so I had to wait in the clinic forever to talk to him. Anyways, the plan is to use the Gonal-F this weekend (3 days) and check back Monday to see if there is any change. If things look good, we will continue. If not, we'll wait until we can squeeze another cycle in and go straight for the injectable. I already did tonights injection and boy did that baby sting! I don't remember the Repronex doing that, but it has been a while..... and my belly is quite a bit poochier (that's not even a word!) so maybe that makes a difference too! Maybe I'll post some pics later..... of the meds, not the belly! ;)

I'm beat!

I just spent over 2 hours at the clinic again. I was hoping last time, on cd3, was a fluke caused by the weather and people not being able to go in for their monitoring for a couple days. But it appears I can expect this from now on - the nurse who took my vitals said they are now in their "busy season". I left my house by 5:20am, got there at a few minutes past 6am and there were already 6 women lined up against the wall (the clinic doesn't open until 6:30am. SO basically, even getting there half an hour early, I still ended up being number 7. I feel bad for the girl that was number 20 (no, I'm not kidding)! The lab was super busy today too - there must've been thirty+ people waiting when they opened the doors and it got worse from there.

So, I guess you'd like to know the results from todays scan? I was apparently wrong about the twinges on my right ovary because the right ovary did nada so far. My only promising follicles are on the left side - measuring 11.1mm and 10mm. So it looks like we're going to end up with another one, maybe two, egg cycle. I'm not very happy about that, but I guess at least I don't need to be very concerned about multiples. I go back Monday to see how they have progressed.

I find it interesting that all these docs are so scared of using fertility drugs on me because of my polycystic ovaries. Yeah, that usually means you have a greater risk of overstimulating and having multiples and all that jazz, but from my experience it just seems that my body doesn't respond as well to the meds as they seem to think it will. When I conceived my daughter, the docs were concerned about using injectibles and monitored me very closely. We only got one good egg after 2 weeks of mostly double-dose injections. Not the many many eggs they were so sure we'd get. So far with the new docs, they are scared to use the injectibles on me so are trying the Femara and I'm barely responding to it either. I was talking to other women in the waiting room and one of them is taking Clomid and the other is taking the Femara. Both of them made it sound like they get several follicles each cycle. And here I'm struggling to get two. And I'm supposed to be the one that has the greater risk of producing multiple eggs! It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't help but wonder if things would be going better if the docs would've let me do the injectibles like the original plan was. Maybe I produce better-quality eggs on the injectibles. I don't know..... it's all just so discouraging....

And I haven't had my coffee yet either so I'm really feeling bummed!

Cycle Update

Sorry I haven't updated in a while.... there really hasn't been much to tell! I'm currently on cd11, I took 2 doses of Femara every night cd4-8, and I go in tomorrow for my ultrasound and blood work to see how my body is responding. I think it is responding well, because I have had some twinges on my right side which I am hoping indicates some super follicle-growing action. I'd really like to go in tomorrow and find out that I've got 2 nice size follicles almost ready to go. My goal for when I trigger (take the shot to force ovulation) is to have 2 definite follicles that will ovulate. If there is another one that might go with them, that's cool too. I'm not so sure I want three big honkin' follicles though..... I'm terrified of having triplets! I know, even if I ovulate three follicles, chances are I still won't get triplets, but the odds are definitely better with three or more follicles. So...... let's just all keep our fingers crossed for two big juicy follicles, okay? None of this "oh, that second one might make it, you never know". I want two definite good follicles so my chances are better this cycle. The way things are looking with my husbands job, we can't count on being able to do another cycle so I really really need this one to work!

By the way, if things go along the same time-frame as last cycle, I'll probably go back on Monday for another ultrasound, then trigger either Monday or Tuesday night, with an IUI 36 hours after the trigger shot.

Wanna know what I've been doing?

This:

Go Da Bears!

Whoo-hoo! My home-town team has finally made it! After more than 20 years, the Chicago Bears are finally going back to the Superbowl! (Note: I grew up in extreme northwest Indiana - just across the border from Chicago, so I've always been a big Chicago fan) And to top it all off, they are playing against the Colts, my home-state team! To say this is exciting does not truly do it justice!

Now if only the Cubbies could make it to the World Series.....

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Remember the friend I was whining about because she got pregnant so easily? Well, she had a miscarriage Friday morning. I know that she was truly excited and I don't even know what to say. She was almost 7 weeks pregnant when she lost the baby and had just told everyone. I feel like shit for bitching. I would not wish that on anyone.

Good news!

One of my good friends is pregnant again. Bet you thought I was going to say I was! Yeah, unless I'm at the right time in my IUI cycle, there's no chance of that happening. Ever.

I hate to admit it, but I cried (and not tears of joy) when I read the news (via email, which I admit is my preference because it gives me time to recover before needing to respond)). It's so horrible to say, but it was like a slap in the face.

It's not that I'm not happy for her, because I am. She's a wonderful mother and a great person and she truly deserves to have another child. It's just hard to be happy when I'm at the beginning or another crappy cycle of mind- and body-altering drugs to try to achieve the same thing. Again. It just seems so unfair.

By the way, the worst things to say to an infertile: Any version of "God has another plan for you" or "Just relax" or "It's just not your time yet" or "Why don't you adopt? Then you'll get pregnant.". So please don't leave me any comments like that because I have a nice bitchy rebuttal for each of them. Feel free to leave almost any other kind of comment.

I haven't left an update on my cycle in awhile, so here it is. I took my last Provera last night (hence some of the bitchy feelings, can't blame it all on the drugs) so now I am just waiting for AF to make an appearance. Hopefully that will be this weekend and then come Tuesday I can go in for my baselines.

P.S. I don't think this friend reads my blog, but if so, please forgive me! I really am happy for you! I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Goodbye 20's......

It was nice knowing ya! We celebrated my birthday both yesterday and today. Yesterday we went shopping at the outlet mall, and I got a couple new shirts and some 'fancy' (compared to my normal ones anyways!) new p@nties. Everything discounted of course! Then we went and got Ch1nese food for dinner, something I love and haven't had in ages. We generally stick to child-friendly food, so basically we always eat somewhere with fries!
Then today my daughter and I picked up some lunch and ran a couple errands, then I stopped at St@buck$ on the way home. Dropped off the groceries and went to H0bby L0bby to get some embroidery floss so I can finally be part of Infertility's Common Thread. I've been meaning to do it and have to admit that it slipped my mind. No excuses. Anyways, after the hubby got home from work we went to dinner at a local steakhouse of sorts. Planned to come home and have some ice cream with our little girl, so my hubby goes to get it for us...... and walks back in the room with a mini-ice cream cake! My favorite! He knows I love those things and I can't even remember the last time I had one. He explained to me later that he had to stop lightening-quick on the way home to get it and hid it in his gym bag to bring in the house, then while I was upstairs getting ready to leave for dinner he stashed it in the freezer. Sneaky huh?

Oh, and did I mention my other surprises? Some of my dear friends surprised me...... I got a St@rbuck$ gift card, which anyone who knows me at all knows I will very much enjoy, and I also got an Am@zon gift card, which I put towards new cookware, which I have been wanting for ages, since ours are ancient and starting to leave nonstick coating in our food! Thanks ladies!

Anyways, I think I can honestly say I had a pretty good birthday. Now I'm going to go wrap up the day with some Amer1c@'s Next T0p M0de1 reruns and maybe another piece of cake!

Deleted comments

Sorry, had to delete the comments to the last couple of posts. I personally don't feel that the internet is the proper place for the 'discussion' that ensued. And for those of you who are wondering, my husband and I did discuss things better on Friday and Saturday, before I knew for sure that he had been on my site (didn't get back to check comments before Friday night), though I definitely suspected by his actions on Friday and Saturday (asking lots of questions about my meds and stuff like that). Like I said previously, I'm glad that he got to see how I felt. I'm lousy at communicating and I'm the first person to admit that.

Anyways, I have not yet decided the fate of this blog. The very few readers I do have can easily be redirected..... but I've grown a bit attached to this one.

Discovery

Okay, so it seems I am no longer as anonymous as I wished to be. So-called "Anonymous" should have been a bit more truly anonymous and not revealed his identity. I'd be willing to bet a complete stranger could suddenly stumble upon this blog and know who it was.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. To me, this is the equivalent of my diary. The place I go when I feel I have nowhere else to go and noone to talk to. Since I basically don't anyways considering my only social interaction most days is with a two year old. Everyone should be allowed something that is private. I don't go snooping into your online conversations on your discussion boards or whatever. Do you read my email too? If you found your wife's diary, would you read it? Because to me, that's what you did.

While I am happy that you get to see how I really felt the other day, I have to question how you discovered this place, since I'm pretty sure it wasn't through a random search on g00gle. And that makes me uncomfortable.

So now I have no sanctuary. Nowhere to 'just get it out'. I have to go back to holding everything in. And that just plain sucks.

What I'd like to say to my husband right now.

So, since this is my place to vent, here goes a good one. You've probably heard most of this crap before but I don't much care if I repeat myself as long as it makes me feel better.

Supposed to be starting another cycle soon. Supposed to start taking provera in a few days. Hubby told me earlier this week that he is going to have a meeting this month but not to worry it won't be on the days I told him I would be most likely having my cd3 monitoring. I asked him again 2 days ago, are you sure I should start a new cycle, because I need to know if that meeting is going to interfere. I can hold off if needed. Oh no, he says, it'll be fine.

So today he mentions that he won't know until Monday about this meeting. So I said, oh, you're going to find out Monday that you have to go out of town on like Wednesday? He says, well the meeting could be at the end of next week, but more likely it'll be the next week and since that Monday is a holiday it'll be after that. So I look at the calendar and see that he is talking about Monday the 15th. Which would put him at going out of town no sooner than the 16th and he said it would be for a couple of days. Let's see...... I'm pretty sure I made it clear starting about 3 weeks ago that my cd3 will probably fall around the 18th, give or take a couple days. Which basically covers that whole week as being possible for my cd3 monitoring. I made this clear again when he mentioned this meeting earlier this week. And again when he told me not to worry, to go ahead and start a cycle. Yet today when I press him on it, that I need to know for sure so I can start the provera this weekend, all hell breaks loose. Because I told him that when he tells me twice that the meeting won't interfere and to go ahead and plan the cycle, then comes out today with "oh, I have no guarantees when this meeting will be, it could very well be on those days", it pisses me off.

So here's what I'd like to say to his attitude right now:
When I give you the opportunity, from the very first f-ing time you mention a meeting or trip, to delay the cycle, not start the cycle, skip this month, whatever, to just please let me know and you assure me that it is not going to be a problem, I get my hopes up and start calculating what the due date will be if we get pregnant this cycle (Oct 22-ish by the way), how far along I'll be when summer hits, etc. Then you spring on me that you have no f-ing clue when this meeting will be. Then when I get angry, you jump down my f-ing throat about how I have to understand that this is your job and you don't make the rules and you are not the boss, etc, etc. Let me tell you something - YOU need to f-ing understand that I am the one doing these f-ing treatments, not you. I am the one who goes through the mood swings and hot flashes and getting poked with a damn needle twice a week. I'm the one whose putting my f-ing medical needs on hold because of this. I can't take care of my other medical problems because it will interfere with the fertility treatments. I have some pretty bad bouts of depression (which you don't even seem to realize or care about) and some horrible hormonal imbalances that cause various problems for me, which you love to throw in my face all the time, knowing that I can't do a damn thing about it if we're trying to have a baby. "You yell too much." "You're too sensitive." "You need to be on medication." "You're such a bitch." These are not things you should say to your wife, much less to someone who has gone off her anti-depressants during an extremely stressful time. Wonder why I'm so damn bitchy? Maybe because my estrogen is through the f-ing roof. Maybe because every other hormone in my body is out of whack as well. Maybe because I'm putting extra hormones into my body to try to have your child. Maybe because you are so damn selfish. I need to be more understanding? Do you even know how an f-ing IUI cycle works? Do you know what drugs I am on? Do you know what their side effects are? Do you know the importance of the various cycle days and test results? Do you know the emotional strain involved? No, you know none of this because you do not care. You have never bothered to look up my PCOS and find out more about it. You have not done any research on IUI's or the meds I am on. If you had, maybe you would be more understanding of me. I don't know how many times I need to tell you that if you cannot guarantee that you will be available during certain days of my cycle, then I cannot do a cycle. You say you want another child so badly, yet you act completely unconcerned about everything. Have you noticed how I keep referring to it as MY cycle? That's because I don't feel as if you have to do any work in this. You stay home with our daughter when I force you to so that I can go get my bloodwork and ultrasounds. If it were up to you, she would go with me. You don't feel it is your responsibility to watch her. "You need to find a sitter," you say. When I tell you that sitters and daycare don't operate at 5:30am, you tell me I need to work something else out. Ever think about how fair it is to a 2 year old to have to get up before the crack of dawn and get carted off to some strangers house twice a week? Nope, the effects on our two year old daughter don't concern you, only that you don't have to miss any time at work for anyone other than yourself. Because it's never a problem if you have an appointment or something you want to do is it? No.

You know what, through the whole stinking cycle, I am the one who has to get poked and prodded and dosed with hormones. You make your little deposit once and that's all you have to do. Is it really so much to ask that you don't complain about watching our daughter while I go to the doctor? Is it really so much to ask that you be certain of whether or not you will be available? When you know you have something coming up and tell me that it will not interfere, I should be able to believe you. I should not have to ask multiple times to finally have you tell me that you have no idea whether or not it will interfere because you don't know for sure when the trip is going to be. There is no excuse for that. Do not lie to me. And do not dare get pissed at me for being upset that you lied to me. I understand that this is your job and that you have to go when they tell you to, but when you know you have to go and deliberately tell me that you won't be gone during certain days, then when pressed admit you don't know that for sure, I feel I have every right to be angry. An unexpected trip is another story - I understand that this is your job and that these things happen, but I should not be expected to smile and say okay honey, I'll just push this next cycle off again, no big deal. I am allowed to be upset and hurt and angry. That is my right as a person, a wife, and someone undergoing fertility treatments. As my husband and someone who supposedly wants this so badly, you should show me more support. When these things happen, you should say "I'm sorry honey, I know this sucks, but I can't help it." "I understand how you feel and I'm upset too." The worst thing you can do is yell at me for being upset. It means nothing to you, because you are not the one who is planning everything. The one who has to plan what days to take one hormone so you can get your period around a certain day and start the other hormones another certain day so that your cycle days that you need monitoring, or God forbid the actual IUI, don't fall on a day when your husband might be out of town. You think nothing of having a trip come up so that a cycle has to be cancelled. "That's my job and you have to be more understanding of it." Here's a thought for you - right now, trying to have a baby is my job and I am busting my ass at it, and you need to be more understanding of that!

Life with a sick toddler......

SUCKS! When an adult is sick, they rest on the couch or sleep as much as they can. What does a sick toddler do? Coughs all over you, sneezes snot all over the place, then runs so you can't wipe their nose before it gets all the way down their chin and on their hands. Rest? Ha! My toddler is sneezing globs of snot out of her nose every 5-10 minutes, coughing and gagging on the phlegm at least a couple times an hour, her eyes are red and watery, she's wheezing and I can't seem to get her fever under 100, but she doesn't want to rest. She wants to pull out all of her toys and spread them around the room. And rub snot all over them. Yuck. It is going to take days for me to get everything cleaned and disinfected once she gets over this.

As soon as she finishes lunch, I'm putting her in the car for a nap. Forget fighting with her to nap in my bed, I haven't got the energy. I think I see a trip to St@rbucks in my near future.... I may not make it through the day otherwise! Having a sick toddler is exhausting!

P.S. For those of you wondering why I don't take her to the doctor...... I've called at 6:30am for 2 days now and they have no appointments. I finally got one scheduled for 8am tomorrow, which will mean waking her up way early (though she was up around 7:30 today so who knows). I wonder if I should even bother with the doctor, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. It won't be the first time someone has brought their kid in with what turns out to just be a cold. But I can't keep my hyperactive mind from seeing signs of bronchitis or pneumonia.

Happy snotty new year!

Happy new year everyone! Hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday. Ours was pretty uneventful. Sat around and drank and played heroscape. My drink of choice was Dis@rono, which I highly recommend to those of you who enjoy sweet syrupy liquor! Keep the bottle at room temperature so you can pour it over ice. The melting ice will cool it down and water it down just enough to be not too strong on the palate. Without losing the great flavor!

Anyways, the reason I said happy snotty new year is because that is how my new year has begun. My husband was sick for a couple days last week and found out he had tonsilitis, which to me is the same darn thing as strep throat. We took every precaution to make sure our daughter didn't get it and it seems to have worked..... however, we have no control over what she picks up while we are at Sea World, or the zoo, or feeding the ducks, or the wildlife safari (all things we've done recently) or wherever she picked up this wonderful thing she has now. Started out yesterday with a fever and a phlegmy sounding cough. Today it has progressed to a fever, cough, frequent sneezing, and constant snot running out of her nose. Very gross. And I admit it, I am one of those people who is grossed out by a child's snot. I can handle it in small doses, but not when it gets so bad that it is running all down the face and then they touch it and it gets stretched out onto their hands. Yuck yuck double yuck. So I find myself wiping my daughters nose every 5 minutes. I'm going to get tired of this quick and her poor little nose is going to get raw! I'm definitely going to have to get the hubby to pick up some tissue with lotion in it on his way home. Poor little thing! I've heard this sort of thing is going around, so I hope you are all being very diligent about washing your hands! Trust me, you don't want this in your house!

5 more days until I am supposed to start the provera to induce my next cycle to start. I'm supposed to start taking them on my birthday, the 8th, but I think I'm going to start on the 7th, just because I'd rather start them on a Sunday. I take them for 5 days again and hopefully AF will show just as quickly this time (last time she showed about 2 days after the last pill). So, if everything goes according to plan, we will be starting our next IUI cycle around the 15th of this month.

That's about all that's going on here right now..... I may write more later if I get completely bored being stuck in the house!