Single parents? Military?

Okay, I need some sympathy here from those who understand because they have been there. We are a military family. Yes, we chose this life, but mainly because we would not have one otherwise since neither of us could find work when we got married. Anyways, we move every 4 years. We have no family nearby. My husband is sent out of town pretty frequently, usually on short notice. If I'm sick, tough, there is no one to help. My husband and I have been out by ourselves maybe 5 times since my daughter was born 5 1/2 years ago. He was also deployed for my past 2 birthdays, probably more I just can't remember. He was deployed for last Thanksgiving, our sons first birthday, and Christmas. When he is gone, there is no one here to help me. I do it all, without a break. When he is here, I still do it all, because he works long hours and there is no one else. My husband is having surgery next week and will be put to sleep for it. Will I be at the hospital in case something goes wrong? No, because I can't keep the kids up there for hours, so I will be home with them, waiting for the hospital to call me to pick my husband up. My daughter will likely be either late for school or miss it completely.
Why am I ranting about this? Because I am sick to death of certain people who have no idea what it's like telling me I have it easy. When these people have a mother living very close by who watches the kids for free whenever they want to go anywhere, be it an appointment, the store, etc, takes the kids to and from school when it is inconvenient for the parents, has the kids all spend the night so Mom and Dad can get a break, it seems to me that they are the ones who have it easy. They spend every holiday with both sides of their families. They have no idea what it is like to not have Daddy around for days, much less weeks or months.
So please, anyone else who has been in my situation, please extend a little sympathy, because I am so sick of hearing how easy I have it just because I don't (can't) work outside the home. I promise to return the favor!

I'm back!

It has been a long time since I posted. Once I gave birth to my son, I didn't feel comfortable continuing with my infertility blog. Not to mention how busy having two kids keeps you! Yet, I have often found that I really miss having somewhere I can come and write about what I am thinking and/or what is going on in my life. So, the blog has been revamped! Hopefully someone out there still has me on their bloglines. If so, give a shout out!

My daughter is now 5 years old and goes to kindergarten in the afternoons. We really wanted to get her in all day (as did she), but we moved here too late and were actually lucky we were able to get her in at all at the nearby school. She loves school and is doing great. Unfortunately, her being so smart seems to come along with a terrible attitude problem. So don't be surprised if you see frequent posts about her mouth driving me to my wits end! She is beautiful and smart and lots of fun, but boy is she a difficult one.

My son just turned 2. He seems to be a bit behind on his verbal skills, but he definitely makes up for it with his personality! He's handsome and silly and a definite Mama's boy. I wouldn't change it for the anything! Lately he has been refusing to take his nap - I'm not ready for this! Hopefully his sister going back to school Monday will help get him back on schedule.

I love our new home in Colorado, but I miss my friends in Texas. I find myself feeling lonely a lot and have to fight off the depression that goes along with that.

So, that's a little bit of an intro. I'll be back soon!

A Tribute to Michael S Baksh

Although I abandoned this blog long ago, I wanted to take a moment to repost this for anyone who may stumble across this page.

A tribute to Michael S Baksh....
Today is the anniversary of one of the worst days in the history of our country. I'd
like to tell you about one of the victims of that tragic day 8
years ago. Michael S Baksh was a 36 year old man who loved music and loved to dance. His wife and I share the same first name. Fate took him from her and their 2 young children. September 11, 2001 was his first day as an insurance executive at a company located in the World Trade Center.

The little I know from my research on Michael tells me that he was a man who loved his family and truly enjoyed life. My heart goes out to his family and friends. Please keep the Baksh family and all others that were victims of that tragic day in your thoughts and prayers. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on this tragic event in the comment section. If you happened to know Michael Baksch, please share your memories of him - I, for one, would love to know more. If you didn't know him, google his name and you will find links to many tributes.

We will never forget.

Gee, thanks

for nothing that is. I just need to vent a bit because the kids drove me insane today. Friday evening we had Thanksgiving leftovers with our neighbors, who have family visiting. Said family has a son almost my daughter's age. My daughter didn't want to leave because she wanted to play more with this boy. Boys mother proceeds to say perhaps they can play together tomorrow and asks me if she has a bike. I say she has a big wheel and this Mom tells my daughter that she and this boy can ride bikes together the next day.

So, Saturday comes... and I see them all pile in the car just before lunch. Okay, no big deal, they can play in the afternoon right? I call and leave a message. I have no idea when they finally came home that evening but I never got a call back. Same thing today - no call. So my daughter has been hounding me every time she sees this little boy outside because she was told they could play. And apparently it's not happening. In her mind it is my fault of course.

Today I spoke with another neighbor who asked how we were doing and if I needed a break. I told her we were doing pretty good, but that my daughter would sure love it if they would bring their daughter over to play for a bit. I'm told they have some plans, but when they got home after lunch we could all go to the park or something. Okay, cool. Thank God I didn't mention this to my daughter, because they never called me back either.

To top it all off, my son screamed his head off for the majority of the afternoon and evening. For apparently no reason. I swear I wanted to bang my head against the wall and knock myself out so I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore.

To sum it all up, I'm pissed off because twice this weekend I've expected a little help with entertaining my daughter and haven't gotten it. It's not easy being the only person who is here to do everything for both children, myself and the house. Yes, my husband and I knew what we were getting into with the mi1it@ry life and I have accepted the role of single mother for possibly the next 4 months and am okay with it. We generally do quite well by ourselves. But don't offer a playdate to my 4 year old and then not call. Please don't ask me if I need a break and then not follow through on our plans. It just serves to cause me more stress and unnecessarily upsets my daughter who is dying for more play time.

On the brighter side, both kids are in bed, the dishes are done, the laundry is almost all done, the cats are fed, litter boxes cleaned, and I am heading for a much needed hot shower. Probably followed by some De@dwood, on loan from the library. And some 0reos. Must have 0reos.

It's beginning to look...

... a lot like Christmas!

So I've been busting butt and I think I'm finally done with all the Christmas decorations. I still have lights left but I can't think of what to do with them since I can't get them in the windows inside the house. If I have a 'bright' idea at some point, I may add them.

So, here it is! I feel pretty good about what I managed to accomplish. Many other people in our neighborhood have put lights up this year too and we are really enjoying the decorations! It's great to see the holiday spirit!

All work and no play...

... makes me a crabby Mama.

I've been trying to get the house in order since my husband left last Monday (he deployed to Q@t@r for 4 months). I've also been trying to get the Christmas decorations set up. The Christmas stuff is coming along, but the house cleaning is going very slow. I just can't seem to get much done during the day because of the kids and after they go to bed I just never seem to accomplish as much as I want to. Each task seems to take much longer than I had planned. It's stressing me out!

I'm also bummed because it has become clear to me that I can't even come close to what I want to do with the Christmas decorations. My husband and I go all out for Christmas and each year we add to our decorations. Last year the house looked pretty darned good and we had even bigger plans for this year. But I just can't figure out his share of the work. He was in charge of putting the rope lights around the posts on the porch, and getting all the lights along the eaves of the house hooked up right. I'm afraid of ladders (not heights, just ladders) so I can't do the eaves, and I can't seem to figure out how he does the rope lights. I also gave up trying to put the lights up in the window because my suction cups kept popping off and I was getting too stressed. I remember it being a royal pita last year and I'm not willing to kill myself over it this year.

I just really want to make this Christmas awesome for my daughter. She is a total Daddy's girl and she really misses him. She is loving the decorations I've put up so far, and I really wanted to wow her with the lights and all. I guess she won't really know the difference if I don't get everything right. To her it will be wonderful and exciting.

I have to go chase my cat out of the Christmas tree. I was hoping this year would be easier since the tree isn't real, but alas it has not proven so yet. The little rat keeps climbing it just like it's the real thing!

Been a long time....

Sorry for the extremely long absence... I just really didn't feel I had much to write about that would be of interest to anyone. Not to mention the kiddos have been keeping me busy. We were also preparing for a possible 6 month deployment to Baghd@d beginning this month, which has thankfully just been canceled. And we are making some improvements to the house and yard in preparation for selling next summer! We've definitely had enough going on to keep us busy.

But, I really miss writing on here. So, I'm going to try to get back in to this. Of course it is no longer an infertility blog, but I'd still like it to be a place I can go to put my thoughts down or just 'talk' when I feel like it.

I've been trying to keep up with the blogs on my bloglines. As always, I may not comment often, but I keep you all in my thoughts.

My miracle girl is 4; she's in school; she's a beautiful, independent spirit who amazes us every day. My miracle boy is 10 months old now; he's walking already; he's beautiful and his smile brightens my day.

Too Young

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers on the loss of my brother-in-law. We finally found out the official cause of death last week. "Acute heart failure consistent with coronary artery disease." Remember, we are talking about a 38 year old man here. That is just unbelievable to me. They said he had high blood pressure, high cholesterol (common in the family) and that his arteries were quite clogged.

This has also put a bit of a scare into us. There is a strong history of heart problems in my husband's family. His father had his first heart attack at 35. Now he has a brother who died at 38 from heart failure. I've asked him to make an appointment with his doctor to discuss the possibility of running tests to check on his arteries. He is also overdue for a cholesterol check, because for some reason they didn't do one last year. He's already on blood pressure meds and I believe that has been under control for a while now. I'm thinking there has to be some sort of non-invasive way to check out his arteries. Maybe do a stress test on his heart or something. Anything they can do to put our minds at ease will help. He's 35 and we need him around for many many more years! My children need their Dada and I can't imagine life without my husband.

In case anyone was wondering, the family did end up getting together a couple weeks after the 'event'. There was no formal service, but my husband, his oldest brother, and my mother-in-law looked through photos together and reminisced. Our daughter got to play in the snow for the first time in her life and everyone got to meet our new son. So at least something good came out of it....