Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Meet Dieg0

Our anniversary was Saturday - 6 years of marriage. This was our 'gift'.

We were supposed to be getting a pair of kittens, a brother and a sister, to be named Dor@ & Dieg0, after our daughter's 2 favorite tv characters. The girl kitten got adopted the night before we went to complete our paperwork, but I think we got a good deal with this little guy anyways! He's a real sweetie and doesn't seem afraid of our loud, rambunctious daughter who can't sit still.

He will obviously never replace our dear beloved Bubba-Sam, whose trials I wrote about here, here, and here, but so far he has brought some extra joy into that void losing Sam left in our hearts.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Feeling very reassured and happy!

I had my first OB appointment today and, thank God, we were able to hear the baby's heartbeat! She almost couldn't find it, all we kept hearing was my heartbeat. She would catch it for a split second then lose it again. Finally she got it just right and we got to hear the reassuring thump-thump-thump going nice and fast, somewhere in the 150's(bps).
I was feeling so good after my appointment that I didn't even throw a fit when it took 3 people and 4 tries to draw my blood in the lab. Seriously, I'm just cursed when it comes to needles! I got 2 pokes in the normal spot on my arm from the first guy, 1 in the hand from a girl, and then they finally went and got someone more experienced and she got it from my forearm. 6 vials! They must be testing me for everything under the sun!
Next appointment won't be until the 16-20 week mark, but I think I'll be okay now that I've heard the heartbeat again. I couldn't help but worry until then!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Sanity still remaining....

Thanks OHN and Trying for letting me know I'm not the only one who has ever had a difficult child, and that it will pass.... eventually! I can't wait for the day to come! Thanks Furrow and MamaChristy for the support (and to MamaChristy for reassuring me I'm not a terrible mother!).... don't worry Furrow, I still wouldn't trade being a Mama for anything else in the world. Yes, my daughter drives me insane at times but she also brings me more joy than anything else in the world.

And so begins another week.... at least on the weekend I can escape if I really need to. During the week I'm stuck.... so I hope this one doesn't end up being too hard!

On a lighter note, I have my first OB appointment Wednesday. I'll get my physical and all that jazz. Hopefully we'll be able to hear the heartbeat again too - that will really reassure me. It's so hard when you can't feel movement yet!

Also, we're having a water softener and filtration system installed today. Where we live the water is incredibly hard - I think my hair, for one, is going to love the new soft water! Of course, the workers are making all kinds of racket, but it will be worth it in the long run. And hey, they were super early! They were scheduled to come between 12 and 2, which would mean my daughter had no chance at a nap today, but they called this morning and asked if they could come right out. So with any luck they'll be done shortly after lunch so we can still squeeze in some nap time!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

At Wit's End, Ready to Break

My daughter has developed quite a problem with talking back. She will be 3 in August and I swear that she has the attitude of a 13 year old. Ask her nicely to do something - No. Tell her to do it - NO. Tell her to please do it or she will be in trouble - NONONONONONONONONONO. Ask her if she'd rather go in the corner - YES. So tell her to go to the corner - NONONONONONONONONONONONO. Make her go to the corner - she screams, yells, shouts, cries, hyperventilates, gags, etc. All she has to do is calm down and apologize, but she will not do it, she'd rather throw her temper tantrum. She denies doing wrong - when we tell her the reason she is in trouble is because she did such-and-such, she responds with "No I didn't." A 2 minute time out usually ends up taking 10 minutes or more for her (and me) to calm down.

This child has an answer for everything and she contradicts everything that is said to her. If you tell her to please stop climbing on you because it hurts, she says "No it doesn't hurt." And also doesn't stop climbing on you. And so begins the whole process again, ending in the corner. If we ask her to please stop jumping off the furniture because she could get hurt, she says "No. I'm not gonna get hurt." I swear, I have no idea what to do anymore. We've tried repeatedly telling her calmly not to do things - she doesn't stop no matter how many times she is told. We've tried timeouts where I hold her on my lap - now that I'm pregnant, I can't be doing that because she hurts me. We've tried ignoring it. We've tried explaining that it is wrong to talk back, and explaining what talking back is. Now we've moved on to the corner. And the times that she continues to talk back while she's in the corner, we take a toy away for a while. Yet her mouth just keeps getting worse. At times it takes every ounce of energy I have to keep from beating the crap out of her. She has gotten spanked on the butt a few times, but it seems to make no difference. Sometimes when I am at my wits end and she has pushed me too far, I snap a little. When I've absolutely had it and she is refusing to go to the corner continuously shouting no at me, I push her towards it.

I don't think I have the right temperament to deal with this stubborn of a child. She is the most obstinate toddler I have ever known. I have no patience. I'm afraid I'm doing her damage by yelling at her so much, and especially the pushing her towards the corner. I shouldn't push her, I know that, but I can't seem to help myself. Honestly, I think it has happened 3 times now. Today I think I had a witness to my breakdown, so I guess if CPS doesn't show up at my door tomorrow then maybe I'm not as bad as I think. Sometimes I think I'm an unfit mother because I can't control my temper. No, I don't beat my child, but sometimes I really feel like it. I can't seem to deal with her calmly. She pushes every button I have, over and over and over. I'm exhausted and I just can't take it anymore. To top it all off, the child never shuts up. Never. She talks nonstop. So when it's been a hard day and I'm tired and I just need some peace and quiet to calm down, I can't get it. I've tried locking myself in the bathroom - she bangs on the door and shouts to me. I go upstairs - she follows. I ask her to please just be quiet for 5 minutes - she seems to be incapable. Her normal voice sounds like shouting and it grates on my nerves by the end of the day sometimes.

She's incredibly smart (really, she is) and I wonder if that has something to do with it somehow. She talks as well as a 4 or 5 year old, knows her alphabet, colors, etc, can do some counting of objects, tells elaborate stories, sings a bunch of songs by heart, etc. Maybe she's not getting the intellectual stimulation she needs and it's causing her to act out? Maybe she's just not getting enough one-on-one attention - I have been super tired this pregnancy and don't have the energy to play with her as much? I thought I'd try teaching her some stuff, like which letters are which and some words, because I think she's ready and also because it's something we can do together while sitting nicely, but she doesn't seem to be able to sit still for it. I've always called her my ADD child but people tell me it's too soon for that. She really is the most active child I (and my Mom who has 7 grandchildren, my mother-in-law, and several of our friends) have ever seen - constantly on the move, never sitting still for more than a minute or two, when she does sit she squirms around all the time, she talks nonstop, and is just plain hyper all the time. Am I just looking for excuses or is this not normal?

Any advice? I can take some criticism, but please, if you're going to tell me I'm doing it all wrong and/or have a serious problem, please do it nicely. I feel bad enough!

P.S. I just wanted to add that this isn't how every day is. And it's not all we do, yell and fight. We spend a lot of time having fun and cuddling and stuff like that too. I love my daughter with all my heart, I just don't know how to discipline her properly.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

A Mother's Day Wish

My wish today is that all of you who are longing to celebrate this day with a child of your own be able to do so next year, and that this day passes without many tears. I want you to know that you are being thought of today and extra prayers are being said for you.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Last night, I had a dream.....

that I had a baby boy. This is the second time I've dreamed of giving birth to a boy. The last time it was twins, though one of them 'disappeared' (I can't find the post to link right now, sorry!). That dream was also in a different cycle. This one is the first time I've dreamed of either a boy or a girl this pregnancy.

I also keep finding myself referring to the baby as him or he. It's strange, because we'd really like another girl. We already have almost everything needed from our daughter so we wouldn't have to buy a bunch of new stuff, and we're also very comfortable and happy with our daughter. But maybe my body and/or subconscious is telling me something. We've got a long ways to go before we can find out! Obviously I will be thrilled either way, I just want a healthy baby! But it sure would be nice to know!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tag, I'm it!

So I've been tagged for the first time, by Furrow. I'm supposed to make a bunch of "I Am" statements. I've never done this 'game' before so I hope I do ok!

Here goes:

I am 30 years old.
I am tall (5ft10in).
I am ashamed of my weight.
I am a chocolate lover.
I am a loner.
I am a book lover.
I am wearing mostly pink.
I am barefoot, as usual.
I am addicted to St@rbucks, so I avoid it whenever I can.
I am also a little addicted to nailpolish - I always want new colors!
I am watching Franklin with my daughter.
I am very lazy lately.
I am tired.
I am drinking Dr Pepper, my favorite.
I am re-reading the Sword of Truth trilogy by Terry Goodkind.
I am praying for rain so I don't have to take my daughter outside to play (it's hot!).
I am a nerd and proud of it.
I am tagging:

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

It's a baby!

Ultrasound went good, as in everything looked great! The doc was running about 1.5 hours behind and then they rushed so much I barely got to see anything (hubby and daughter didn't get to see at all), but there is one baby measuring right on target with a strong heartbeat, which we got to hear! Yippee!!!!

Doc has me at being 7wk2d pregnant today, I have me at 7wk1d. Doc's due date is Dec 17, mine is Dec 18. So I guess we're pretty much on the same page! I'm happy enough to go with Dec 17 though... the sooner the better, right?!

So I'm being released to the OB clinic now. I have to go to some mandatory orientation on May 16 for 90 minutes. Hope it's not too bad, I'll probably have to bring my daughter and that's right at lunch and nap time!

All-in-all I'd have to say we are pretty d@mn excited here in my world! I've already showed the 2 ultrasound pics and the short video of the heartbeat to my 2 neighbors that know about the pregnancy. I'm still not sure when I'll 'come out' to everyone else.... I'm tempted to wait and see how long it takes them to ask, but I think I'm too excited! Plus I want to wear my maternity clothes - they totally make me look pregnant instead of just fat! Like, 6 months pregnant! heeheehee

I'll try to find a way to post the pics. Right now all I have are hard copies but I'll see if I can get a close-up of them with my digital camera so I can post them. Thanks to everyone for your support! Hopefully everything will continue to go well! Also really hope to see those of you on 'the journey' joining in with some good news of your own real soon!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Tomorrow is the big day!

Our first ultrasound is tomorrow. I'm nervous and excited, but I admit I am mostly excited. I just can't imagine there could be anything wrong. I know it is always possible, but everything just feels right, ya know? I keep telling myself that if something was wrong I would be cramping or bleeding or something, but all I've got are normal pregnancy symptoms. So I'm going in with a positive outlook and praying my hopes aren't about to be dashed.

I'm only expecting one baby to appear on the ultrasound (no weight gain, not extremely high beta numbers, etc), but I'm a little concerned (and secretly excited) that there could be two. Concerned because of the added risk, and excited because who wouldn't love twins?! My 2 and a half year old daughter is extremely insistent that there are at least 2 babies in Mama's belly. Recently she has started saying 3 every now and then, but from the first day we told her about it she has insisted there are 2. When we ask her if she's sure there's not just 1 baby, or tell her there is probably only 1 baby, she says "No, 2 babies in Mama's belly." Could she be making a prediction? Guess we'll all just have to wait until tomorrow to find out! I probably won't be able to sleep tonight I'm so anxious!