Monday, October 30, 2006


I am sad. My husband got the news today that he will be going to Iraq in January. We were holding onto hope that he would not have to go since it is not actually his turn (they have a number system of sorts). There is a guy whose turn it is, but apparently he is working on some 'pet project' for someone high ranking so my husband has to go in his place. I am very bitter. My husband's real turn will come up next January and just because he is being sent now does not make him immune when his number comes up. So basically he could be gone for 6 months, home for 6 months, then gone for 6 months again. And considering that the job he is in right now has him gone for at least 1 week a month anyways (including 2 weeks starting this Sunday), he will be away from us more than he will be with us.
This is also going to completely screw up our baby plans. We will still probably only get one IUI cycle in this year, then he will be leaving. We may look into banking his sperm for use while he is gone, but it will be extremely hard on my daughter and I. I would be injecting myself with crazy hormones again, without any support. My daughter would have to get up at 5am 2 mornings a week for at least 2 weeks, then get up early the day of the IUI, drive with me for an hour to pick up the 'bank deposit', drive an hour and a half back to the clinic, wait something like 2 hours for them to prepare it, then accompany me for the IUI. Not to mention that if I did get pregnant, I would be higher risk again (not high risk, just higher than average) so would require more monitoring. I don't think that a two year old should be subjected to all of that crap. I also don't know if I would even be allowed to bring her with me, considering the nature of the doctor visits.
Is this a sign? Does God not want me to have more children? Am I that horrible of a mother?
I don't even know what to do right now. I want to scream and shout at my husband but it is obviously not his fault. I feel so sorry for my daughter, who will not see her daddy for 4-6 months. How do you explain something like this to a 2 year old?
I guess I should try to stop feeling so sorry for myself. I don't think it will work though, because damn it I am upset!
I need to get out of here. If I stay here at home I will spend the rest of the afternoon crying. Instead, I will take my daughter shopping. I might even treat myself to a coffee product from the evil empire (*bucks). Because damn it, I deserve it.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Excuse me?

I just had to share this, because it is still bothering me a little......
My husband, daughter and I went to the commissary (grocery store) today. At first my daughter was riding in the cart. She kept asking to get out, so after awhile we let her out. No sooner did we let her out and were standing in an aisle looking at, I think it was corn, than an old man starts coming down the aisle. My husband and I both told our daughter to be careful and stay out of the way so she doesn't get 'run over' and she stayed out of the way over by my husband. As the old man approaches, he says "You need to get back in that cart little girl." I, thinking he was joking around, said,"Yeah, we just finally let her out, she doesn't like riding in the cart very much." As he walks by, he says,"Well, you should leave her at home then."My jaw practically hit the floor, and my husband and I both said "Excuse me?!" My husband versaid again, "Excuse me, what did you just say?" and to me "That was rude" and I said "Yes very rude, especially considering she is behaving very well and did not even get in his way." The old man just kept walking. So I said a little louder, "I guess we should just leave her home by herself? I sure hope you don't have any grandchildren sir." I'm sorry, but that totally pissed me off. I am not one of those people who lets their kid run around in stores. My daughter either stays right by my husband and I, or she gets carried or put in the cart. She of course does not stay right by our side, but she is expected to stay within a few (and I mean a few) feet of us. When we are in an aisle and noone else is around, we'll let her have a little more leeway, but when other people are around she has to stay right next to us. So I take huge offense to someone daring to say I should not bring my daughter shopping with me. Damn bitter old man.

Friday, October 20, 2006


Well, I'm still alive. 24 hours after starting the uber-doses of birth control pills, the bleeding slowed significantly. 72 hours later and it is pretty much gone. The birth control is doing a real number on me (major mood swings and super-fatigue), but I think anything is better than continuing to lose blood at the rate I was.
So, since noone chose to guess, I won't reveal the numbers. But, I will tell you that based on my calculations (using how much blood a super-plus tampon holds times approx how many I went through in the 4 days the flood of 2006 lasted), I lost somewhere in the vicinity of 2 pints of blood in 4 days. How my body kept up with it, I don't know, but based on lab results I was producing it as fast as I was losing it. When you donate blood, you donate 1 pint. Supposedly the body replenishes the plasma in 24 hours and the cells in about a week. However, you are generally only allowed to donate every 2 months to allow the body to fully recover and replenish. The human body is an amazing thing.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


This time the bleeding didn't decide to slow down for the doctors. They saw it in all it's gory, I mean glory! There was a student doctor who was training on my case and she could not do the pelvic exam. She kept trying then told the experienced doctor that she can't do it, there's too much blood. So the other doctor tries and she has trouble too. Says she can't get the speculum 'hooked' on the cervix because she can't see what she's doing. Kept apologizing for hurting me, but she finally got it in. They seemed pretty shocked by the amount of blood. I also gave them the log I kept of my bleeding today. Yeah, they were quite impressed, especially when I clarified that the log was basically representative of the past 4 days. Up until the pelvic exam, they were still trying to convince me to wait it out, rather than taking anything to stop it. Once they did the pelvic exam and got to see first hand that I was not exaggerating at all, they changed their mind. So, I am taking the birth control pill Yasmin for awhile. We have to 'shock' my system to stop the bleeding so I am taking 3 pills a day for 3 days, then 2 pills a day for 3 days, then I need to take 1 pill a day for at least 2 weeks before we can try to plan an IUI cycle. The good news is that they seem pretty confident that I do not have any fibroids or polyps. The bad news is I don't know how long it will take for the bleeding to stop, or even slow. So far, it's the same. Not sure if I will risk sleep tonight or not. Maybe I'll just set my alarm every couple hours. I don't think I can continue living with very little to no sleep. I've literally been at my breaking point for the past couple days. I have had some minor breakdowns. Okay, maybe not so minor, but definitely not major!
Hey, anyone know the record for most tampons used by one person in a day or weekend? Because I'm pretty sure I broke it. Wanna make a game of it? Take a guess and we'll see who comes close.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I'm baaaack.... with gory details again

Hope you haven't gotten sick of me yet, because I've got more to say. For those of you that know me, you know I would never be awake and functioning right now if there wasn't a damn good reason. Well, the reason is the same as the past 3 nights. I am seriously sick of this. There's only so much I can take and I am reaching my breaking point. Since this is my place to whine, I'm going to do it. If you don't want to hear it, don't read on.
Let's recap the shit I've been through this weekend. From 10pm Friday night to 7 am Saturday morning I bled profusely. Got a small break for a few hours and grabbed some sleep until my daughter woke me up around 10:30. Didn't do too bad for awhile. I was actually able to go 2-3 hours without racing to the bathroom to prevent bleeding all over my new carpet. In the middle of my daughters bath, around 8pm Saturday, the flood began again. Arrived at the ER around 10pm. Sat in the waiting room, going to the bathroom about every 45 minutes to prevent an accident, until around 5:30am. Lef the Er after 7:30am with nothing to help me. Continued flooding until going to gyn urgent care for my 2:30 appointment. Got there around 1:30, and wouldn't ya know it, the bleeding slowed for the second time since Friday evening. Go figure. So, since they made the assumption that the bleeding was 'tapering off' (their words), they decided I didn't need anything to stop the bleeding. Never mind the fact that I was (am) dehydrated and feeling a little weak. Oh, and let's not forget the heart attack they tried to give me. And the cramps I have had non-stop for almost 2 weeks. So, I leave the dr office and things continue to go okay for awhile I'm a little hopeful. This lasts until bedtime, 1:30am. 'Change' for bed, and notice the bleeding is seeming pretty heavy again. Okay, well it had been 3 hours since the last 'change'. So, I go to bed. At 2:30, I flooded again. Changed. Went back to bed. Woke up at 6:30am and flooded bad. And so, here I am, awake, tired, bleeding, and crabby as hell. Also running out of clean underwear.
And so begins my day. Coffe anyone?

Monday, October 16, 2006

There's no going back now

Went in today, after my doctors appointment, to sign the final paperwork on the new van. While we were in the finance office, a salesman came in and asked if we had brought the extra set of keys. Yeah, they sold my old Elantra! One week after trying to convince me I had $1700 worth of damage that would have to be fixed before they could sell it, which I knew was a bunch of crap. Guess even though I have 5 days from today to change my mind about the Entourage, there's no going back to the Elantra.
So, we're getting ready to leave and I see my old Elantra sitting on the side of the building. All they did to it was give it a good wash and wax and put tint on the windows! I'm dying to know what it sold for! Anyone got any ideas how I can find out?

Let's give the infertile girl a heart attack

Yeah, that's the game they were playing at the doctor's office today. I called and they squeezed me into the urgent care clinic at the gyn clinic. Anyways, they asked me if I had gotten the results of my HSG from August and I said yeah, they told me it was normal. The nurse then tells me, oh, the notes here say that you have uterine fibroids and/or polyps. My jaw dropped, um, nobody told me that. The nurse then says oops, well then I didn't tell you either. So, after examinging me, she brings in one of the gyn doctors. The doctor looks at my test results and tells me that during the HSG the technician saw areas that didn't fill with the dye. This usually indicates the presence of fibroids or polyps. I'm like, okay, so how do we find out for sure? She says the fertility doctors will have to decide if they want to 'go in' and check things out or what, but that it's all up to them. She then examines me as well. When she is done and about to leave to check with the fertility docs about what to do for me, I ask her "I know from the pamphlet here in your office that fibroids are non-cancerous growths, but what about polyps? Can they be cancerous? (see, I'd read the pamphlet and started freaking out during the 15 minutes it took the nurse to bring the doctor in). She says oh no, 99.9% of the time polyps are non-cancerous. It's not life-threatening, don't worry. So, I ask what about fertility-threatening? She stutters a bit and says well, yeah, we'll let the fertility doctors talk to you about that, we're just worrying about the bleeding today. So she leaves to go talk to the fertility doctors, while I sit in the room and try not to pass out! Hello, did she just basically tell me that I might not be able to have children and then leave me hanging?! Yup, she sure did.
Now, she comes back into the room and tells me that the fertility doctors don't want them starting me on birth control to stop the bleeding yet. She then tells me that it looks like the plan will still be do to injectibles and IUI once we get this recent problem taken care of. I said I am so happy to hear you say that because you really freaked me out with the whole fibroid/polyp thing. And you know what she tells me? "oh yeah, that. Well, the fertility doctors always do their own evaluation of the images from the HSG and they didn't see anything to be concerned about on yours. That's why they told you it was normal. Apparently the technician must have seen a shadow or something and automatically assumed fibroids or polyps."
Hello, why the hell would you tell a woman going through infertility treatments that she could have something wrong with her that could compromise her chance of conceiving before checking with her doctor?! I was terrified!
So, as of right now I am still not positive what is going on. The doctor today told me I am definitely dehydrated and have lost a lot of blood, but that my body is handling it well. Apparently I am producing blood cells fast enough to replace the ones I am losing without going into shock or anything. I need to drink a lot of fluids and watch my blood sugar. I also need to go see the REI (reproductive endocrinology and infertility) doctor tomorrow at 1, instead of 8, because at 1 all of the doctors will be there, whereas at 8 they won't be. Is that a bad sign, that for some reason they want all of the fertility specialists there when I come in? I'm a little worried that maybe they have bad news for me. But maybe they just want to make sure that everyone agrees on a new plan-of-action for me, to make sure we do whatever is best for my current problem while still considering my future treatments? Guess I will find out tomorrow....

Sunday, October 15, 2006

A bad place.... warning: too much (gross) info

I am in a bad place. I have barely slept in 2 nights. Friday night around 10pm I started bleeding very heavily. Between the hours of 10pm and 7am I went through 12 super-plus absorbency tampons and several super absorbency pads. Needless to say, sleep was not possible, unless I wanted to flood the bed. Had a break from around 7am til noon, slept about 3 hours. Flow gradually started increasing again until around 8pm Saturday night, in the middle of my daughters bathtime, the floodgates opened again. I say floodgates, because the blood is literally gushing out of me, despite the so-called super-absorbency. See now why I forewarned about too much info?
So, after putting my daughter to bed, my good friend Christy (I thank the sweet Lord for her!) came over so I could run to the store for supplies. She convinced me to go to the ER because I have been losing so much blood. Since I was pretty freaked out too, I went. After 9.5 (I kid you not, ~10pm-7:30am) hours in the ER, I was sent home with the instructions to go see my fertility dr Tuesday morning. The ER dr 'looked' around inside and did not see anything. Um, hello, how can you see anything when there is blood pouring out the whole time?! Didn't even bother with an ultrasound. Did not 'feel around' inside either, like at a regular pelvic exam. Told me it must just be a hormonal imbalance, thanks to the PCOS, the Clomid Challenge, and the Provera I took back in August. Gave me a test for anemia, said it was fine, and sent me home saying the fertility clinic told him not to do anything. So, back home I am, still gushing blood, exhausted, and worried. Also really pissed off! How can they expect anyone to spend 4 f-ing days going to the bathroom every hour+/- to clean up a big mess?! I can't decide if it would make any difference to go to a different ER tonight. Or to call Monday morning and insist (or try to) the fertility clinic see me sooner. Or if I even have the energy.
Maybe after a third night with basically no sleep I'll be so sleep-deprived that I can go into the ER with hallucinations and little voices in my head. Think they'd do something then?
Yeah, I am definitely in a bad place.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

A Chef in the Making

Have you ever had the Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden? I had it for the first time last weekend and loved it so much I had 3 bowls of it! Since I can't exactly afford to go to Olive Garden all the time, I decided to try my hand at making it. Got a recipe off the internet, and I must say I was pleased with the results! Looks a little gross, but it tastes great!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A Lesson in Car Buying. Warning: Very Long Story!

Yesterday I undertook a daunting task - buying a minivan whilst trading in my car, with a 2 year old in tow. I have to admit, my daughter was amazing. Considering we were there for 3+ hours, not including the test drive, she was an absolute angel! Now, on to the negotiations....

Right off the bat they tried to screw me out of the customer loyalty incentive. Only one per customer they say, so the $1000 I had showing from the website was supposedly only worth $500 to me. Uh, no, per the corporate website, the loyalty incentive is $1000 for one person who owns one Hyundai. After about 15 minutes of going back and forth, they finally admit I am right. At least they didn't dispute the military discount. They did try to dispute the low interest rate advertised on the website. Once I showed them the printouts from the website they called up to corporate and got that approved. So, up to then they had tried to screw me out of $500, and a 2% lower interest rate.

Next, we start talking trade-in value. I happen to have done my research and know my trade-in is worth $6280, minus some minor hail and paint damage. I also know I still owe just under $1500 on it, and they know this as well. Here's the general conversation.... keep in mind that any time a dollar amount changes the guy I'm dealing with has to go back and talk to someone else, then come back to me.
Them: You have some hail damage on the vehicle, how did that happen?
Me: Um, it got hailed on?
Them: Obviously, but it's only on the front of the car, how did that happen?
Me: I don't know, I guess that the way the car was facing and the way the hail was coming down just made it hit the hood?
Them: Oh, okay. Well then, what would you say to $3900?
Me: $3900?! I'd say hell, no!
Them: Why is that?
Me: I know for a fact that my car is worth much more than that.
Them: Okay, so what do you think your trade-in is worth?
Me: $6000
Them: $6000? But ma'am, you still owe $1500 on it that we have to pay-off.
Me: Yes, I know that. Do you mean that this $3900 you are offering me is in addition to the pay-off?
Them: Yes, ma'am, we're not even talking about that right now, we are trying to determine what you will get as a trade-in value towards your new van.
Me: Oh, okay, then I guess if we're talking what I want to get towards my new minivan on top of having the old car paid off, then subtract the $1500 I owe from the $6000, and we have $4500.
Them: So you'd take $4500?
Me: Yes.
Them: How about $4250?
Me: I'll tell you what, let's split the difference and go with $4375.
Them: Okay. (meanwhile I'm thinking, wow, I just got $5875 for a trade-in I was only expecting $5000 or so for)

So, I leave this part of the negotiations with the impression that the $1500 will be paid off on my old car, and I will get $4375 towards my new van. Is that the impression you got, too? Hmmm, well apparently we are all misunderstanding something, because here's what happens later....

We have already agreed (I thought) on the trade-on, we've agreed on the loyalty incentive and the military discount. The total is still a little higher than I had hoped for. What I really wanted was to still get the other $500 rebate I was supposed to give up for my 3.9% financing. After going back and forth for a while, the manager comes in and tells me, I am not kidding you, that because I am a woman and am there without my husband and am driving such a hard bargain on everything, that he will take the $500 off the MSRP because he can't give me the rebate, it's an 'either/or' incentive with the financing, you can't get both. Okay, I'm fine with that.

So, everything gets put on paper, and I'm ready to sign. Just an FYI - the entire time I was keeping track of all the math so I knew what the final amount should be within about $50 because I estimated taxes. So when their amount is almost $1500 higher than mine, I knew something was wrong. I look at the papers and see that they have listed the trade-in value as $4375 and then at the bottom, added $1500 to my toal cost for the pay off. Here's about how that discussion went:
Them: Oh, that's just there because we have to show on the paperwork that we are paying off that amount for you, you're still getting the $4375 we agreed on.
Me: If I'm getting the $4375 we agreed on, why are you adding $1500 to my total?
Them: Because that's what you owe.
Me: I know that is what I owe, but you told me that the amount we were discussing was not including that. You sat here and told me not to worry about that, it is going to be paid off, what we are negotiating is the amount I will get towards my purchase.
Them: No ma'am, I don't know where you got that idea, we agreed the trade-in was worth $4375, but you still owe $1500 and we have to account for that. Just look at them separate, you're getting confused by the way we laid it out. See, here's where we are subtracting the $4375 from the amount of the van. And down here, this is just where we have to list the $1500 you still owe on the other car.
Me: Okay, but you're not just listing it there, you are adding it on to my total. That means you are taking that $1500 I owe out of my trade-in value twice.
Them(and they've brought another manager in now, the other one went home after shaking my hand on a good deal): Ma'am, I don't know why you thought the trade-in value we negotiated was in addition to us paying off your old car. The amount you owe has to be taken off the trade-in value. That's just the way we have to do it.
Me: I thought that because he told me that! (I then proceeded to recap the earlier conversation)
Them: But ma'am, you're car has a lot of hail damage on it, it's not worth $6000.
Me: You're right, it's not, it's worth the $5875 you agreed to give me for it.
Them: No, we agreed to give you $4375, see, it's right here on the paperwork. Ma'am, you're car has extensive hail damage, we have to recoup the costs of fixing that so we can resell it.
Me: No, there is minor hail damage on the hood. That's it.
Them: No ma'am, there's hail damage all around the sides of the car too. (hey, anyone else remember the earlier conversation about why there was only hail damage on the front?)
Me: Okay, so basically you're trying to tell me it's going to cost $1700 to repair the hail damage?
Them: Oh yes ma'am, easily.
Me: Okay, you know what, you mislead me, and $1500 is a big difference. I'm walking on the deal.
Them: Ma'am, noone tried to mislead you.
Me: I disagree. Give me any paperwork I have signed, I'm walking. (getting up out of my chair and gathering everything up)

I proceed to walk out the door with my daughter on my hip, whilst telling my husband on my cell phone that they tried to pull a scam on me and I'm not stupid, we will go to Chrysler or Honda and get one of the other vans we liked.

No sooner do I get to my car then the manager comes running out saying ma'am, wait, ma'am? I know you're tired now, but if I can get you an additional $1000 off, will you come back perhaps tomorrow? I can't get you $1500, I wasn't there so I don't know how that whole misunderstanding happened, but I will bite the $1000 and add it on to your trade-in.
I told him if he will take the $1000 off, I'll walk back in right now and make the deal. You see, I only expected to get about $5000 for my trade-in, and even now I was getting $5375. So I was happy enough with the deal that I didn't want the two hours my poor 2 year old daughter (and I, in my opinion) had been such a trooper through to have been a waste. And I really wanted this van - there's a kind of limited supply on them so who knows when or where I would've gotten this exact one.
So, in the end, I sort of got screwed out of $500, but it was $500 I was not expecting to get anyways.

Now I'd like to pose a question, because I'm trying to puzzle it out for myself. Do you think that the salesman I was working with tried to pull one over on me without the knowledge of management (ie, he was telling me the trade-in value was on top of the pay-off, knowing it wasn't, trying to make some extra money on commission), hoping I wouldn't notice in the end? Or, do you think the management knowingly advised him to do this, and possibly even does this on a regular basis, assuming people will not be paying close enough attention to the paperwork after 2 hours of negotiating? Do you think I did the right thing going back in, or should I have just completely walked away and gone to another dealership, even if it might have meant not getting the car I wanted, or at least not soon?

After all that, here's a picture of my new van. Isn't she beautiful?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Where the hell did you come from?!

So, on what would have been cd58 (Thursday), AF decided to make a completely unexpected (meaning uninduced) appearance. Her timing couldn't be worse. There is no way to fit a cycle in this month thanks to DH being out of town every other week. This will probably screw up our hopes of squeezing 2 cycles in before DH's pending deployment in January (more on this later). I'm guessing that I probably shouldn't use Provera to instigate a period to start an IUI cycle until the 'required' 28+ days has passed and I get a negative HPgT. I don't know though...... I never ovulate on my own anyways so it's very tempting to say screw it and just go ahead if we get the chance. But I probably won't, just in case God decides to bless us with a miracle. So, let's do the math..... HPgT around Nov 4, 5+days of Provera, then another week, give or take, for AF to arrive. That'd put cd1 sometime around Nov 15? Start meds around Nov 21. IUI sometime around Nov 29 if things go according to the Dr's plans.... probably more like Dec 5 if my body responds the same to the meds as before. So yeah, only time for 1 cycle before a possible 6 month forced break (deployment). Of all the times for AF to come on her own. Damn.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Who's afraid of the big bad......lizard?

Uh, yeah, that would be me. Went into the kitchen to get some tea and saw something scurry across the floor. Freaked me out! Thought it was a scorpion. Looked closer and saw it was a lizard, one of those chameleon-like ones you see in the south. Generally they are cute. However, when it is in my kitchen - not so cute! After several minutes of shouting for my husband I realized he must have gone to bed already. Hmmmm, I'm presented with a dilemma..... kill it/catch it myself, or wake him up to do it? I chose wake him up to do it. Needless to say, he was not happy! But between the two of us we got it out of the house. I used some tupperware to catch it, unfortunately chopping off the tail in the process, then the hubby scooped it up and put it outside. By the way, did you know the tail keeps moving after being cut off? I had to pick it up with a papertowel and throw it away. I have no idea if it stopped moving then or not. Totally creepy!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Brave girl on the water-coaster.

Feeding the animals at the 'safari'.

Weekend of Fun

So, the hubby was out of town for 2 weeks and I just about went insane. He got home Friday night/Saturday morning (~12:30am) and we spent the weekend relaxing and doing fun stuff with our daughter. We really needed it!
Saturday we went to Sea World, which our duaghter absolutely adores. She especially likes the dolphins and penguins so we spent plenty of time in those areas. This trip was different from the other times we've gone though. This time, my big girl rode her very first water ride! I forget what the name of it is, but it's basically a log ride with a few drops, the highest being something like 6 stories according to the signs. I was very worried about her but she said she wanted to do it and her daddy was very excited about it. I decided not to go because of my back and neck problems, but I waited in line with them anyways. DD was very anxious to get on 'the boat' and did very well waiting in line for almost 45 minutes. I was afraid she would start crying when the time actually came to get in the boat and go, but she was a real trooper! Her daddy said she loved the small ups and downs, but seemed a little scared on the big drops. Then we got the pic they take on all rollercoasters nowadays and, lo and behold, my little angel is smiling! She loved it! She is so brave! She wanted to go again!
Sunday we went to the wildlife safari about 25 minutes from the house. It's a drivethrough safari where you can feed all the animals from your car. There's everything from goats to zebras to bison. We have season passes and have been going once a week lately. It's a good way to pass a couple of hours time. My little girl just loves feeding the animals! She asks to go all the time.... "I wanna go feed the animals myself Mama!" She's so independent nowadays!
I'll try to post some pictures soon since I finally learned how....