Monday, September 20, 2010

The looks

As any parent knows, when your kids act up in public, you get dirty looks. Generally, you can ignore these, because you know you are doing what you can to correct the behavior. What are you supposed to do though when your 6 year old acts just like a 2 year old and your 2 year old acts like a 2 year old on steroids? It seems no matter what I do, I can not control my kids. My 6 year old can not sit in a chair for more than 30 seconds at a time. She is up and running and jumping and talking no matter how many times she is told to sit quietly. My almost-3 year old refuses to sit, runs away all the time, completely disregards any possible danger, doesn't stop when yelled at or called, thinks it's hilarious when you have to chase him down, laughs when you try to tell him what to do or yell at him for bad behavior, and is just plain very loud and active all the time.
At the clinic today, my kids once again embarrassed the crap out of me. They were clearly disturbing other people with their loudness and constant motion, but nothing I did or said made any difference. I tried to hold my son on my lap and he fought me, screaming that I was hurting him! My arms were wrapped around his waist and the only pressure was from him fighting to get away.

We spent 1 1/2 hours total at the clinic, between seeing the doc, going to the lab for a urine sample (which is a freaking horror story of it's own) and waiting for medicine. By the time we left, I barely made it to the car before the tears started.

I get looks everywhere we go. I don't even understand why my kids act the way they do, so how can I expect others to? I would hope it is enough that I am trying to discipline them, calm them, whatever, the entire time we are out, but I know it's not enough by all of the looks I get that clearly say, "what the hell is wrong with you and your children?!"

We went to a Special Needs Information Fair this weekend. Once we get a diagnosis for my daughter (and probably for my son in the future, because he is getting horrible about things), I am going to take some advice and have cards made up that I can give to the people who love giving me "the look". Cards that explain that there is a medical reason why my child acts this way, and that it's not for lack of proper parenting.

In the meantime, I ask that we all try to be more tolerant of the kids who are annoying us when we are out and about. There are so many unseen and not obvious medical conditions that can cause kids (and even adults, to be fair), to truly not be able to control themselves. Try giving the parents a look of support and understanding, maybe even actually tell them you appreciate how hard they are trying to keep their kids from bothering everyone else. At the very least, don't assume that they are lousy parents and that their kids must just be wild, crazy, undisciplined animals. Because that parent may very well be standing on the edge, ready to fall into the abyss.


MamaChristy said...

well said.

clgboatwright said...

Hang in there!! i know what you mean i have been having problems with my 3-year old too. he is always on the move! i can not stop him no matter what i do. I can yell, give time outs, and even givin him whippings and nothing seems to work. There are many days i am on the edge and crying even telling terry that i can not take this anymore. He hits me, kicks, bites, and pull my hair when it comes to bed time. I just want you to know u are not alone on this and i feel the same way. Jacob has calm down alot since he has been on intuiv. (Adhd med) I was surprise on how good it works for him. He is also a very picky about his clothes and food. I took him to a neuropsychologist. And within 2 and a half hours told me he shows signs of adhd,autism spectrum disorder,dyslexia,and phonological disorder. I have to finish gettting him tested but right now he is doing good on adha meds. Try reading up on some of these disorders they might help. I fought for 3 years before anyone believed me. All i can say is hang in there and fight until u r happy with results! If u need to talk more you can email me on face book.