PLEASE explain this to me. The instant we start putting on shoes in the morning, my daughter starts throwing a fit. They don't feel right, tie it again, ehhehhehhehhehhh, whine whine, complain. Same thing with the jacket. Continues until the instant I drop her off at school, whether I have to walk her in because she is screaming with tears running down her face or I drop her off because she is just whining and I can't do anything about it anyways. The instant she walks out of school she starts picking fights with her brother, lying, arguing, complaining, blah blah blah. Yet apparently between the time she gets out of the car in the morning for school and walks back out the door in the afternoon, she is a perfect angel.
Either the teacher is full of shit and just doesn't want to be bothered with taking note of any issues with my daughter because she doesn't disrupt the class whereas at least one other student in that class disrupts it every single day - or I need to reevaluate things and take bipolar disorder as a much more likely diagnosis. Because she is anything but an angel at home. Or in the car. Or in the store, or the restaurant, or anywhere else we go!
Someone please explain how she can apparently have no problems at all in school, not even with putting her coat on for recess, never pouts about anything, argues, or complains, is apparently a perfect angel, yet from the instant she walks out the door in the afternoon until she walks back through the door the next morning, she is practically impossible to deal with.
I want a video camera installed in that classroom because I find it very hard to believe that she does nothing at all but say yes ma'am, no ma'am, please and thank you all freaking day.
EDITED AFTER SOME CALMING TIME: Okay, once again the wonderful Internet has saved me from completely losing it. I know I've read it before and even heard it from our psychologist, but I needed the reassurance - this Jekyl and Hyde thing is normal with ASD kids. The use all of their energy to hold it together in school, then they let it all go when they see Mom and feel safe to do so again. It sucks that the parents and siblings are the ones who have to deal with all of the bad behavior, but at least she is doing well in school. I need to stop and remind myself that she does not mean to drive me insane, that she honestly can't control herself.
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I can in fact explain this for you :) It's extremely common for kids like ours. Imagine it this way: a cup full of water represents the amount of coping skills they have for the day. They can either use them at home, where they already feel safe, or they can use them at school, where they likely feel anxious and stressed already. If you had a cup full of coping skills, would you use them for the non-stressful time at home, or the stressful time at school?
I know it can be hard, but be thankful she uses them at school. When she crumbles at home, you are there to observe, comfort, accommodate, reassure, and teach. If it were happening at school, you have no control over what they do in response to her behaviour and you can't observe it so you can't help her with it.
Your daughter also must have significant sensory processing issues based on your description of her reaction to clothing. Is she receiving OT or a homebased sensory diet of OT-based activities? These can make a HUGE difference in her ability to neurologically manage the sensory information the world is throwing at her :) 2 great books are Raising a Sensory Smart Child and The Out of Sync Child.
Caitlin
www.welcome-to-normal.com
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