Thursday, August 24, 2006

I talked to my grandpa today....

Or should I say, I talked at my grandpa today. He asked for all of his family to gather around him and the social worker suggested that those of us from out-of-town (namely, me) call so the phone could be held by his ear and I could say anything I felt the need to say. They told him it was me and he said my name, but he couldn't get much else out. I told him that I love him and am really looking forward to seeing him Sunday....... my daughter was sitting with me at the time and was talking about the tv so I told her to say "hi" and she did..... I could hear my sister in the background telling him that it was my daughter talking...... I told him how much she enjoyed it the last time we visited him and that she wants to see him when we come in on Sunday..... hopefully these things will help him hold out until then..... give him a reason to hang on a little bit longer. I know I'm being selfish...... he did not sound good...... his breathing is very labored and he could barely speak..... I know I should have told him it was okay to go, not to feel like he needed to wait for me but I couldn't bring myself to say that. I don't know what would be better...... I couldn't keep from crying when I talked to him so I know there is no way I can not cry when I see him..... and that might not be good for him..... I don't know...... when I have talked to my sister, my mom, and my grandma they have all been trying to be strong in front of him. I just don't think I'm capable of that.
So, when I get off the phone, I'm obviously upset. My daughter decided she wanted to sit on the potty again and read her new book (bought specifically for that purpose!) so I had to try to be excited and encouraging. I'm sitting across from her crying into a towel and I look up to find her staring at me. I told her 'it's okay honey, mommy's just sad, she can't help it, but you are being a very big girl and I am so proud of you'. That beautiful little angel climbed into my lap, looked right at me and said 'mama no sad' and gave me a big hug! God I love that little girl so much!


E said...

That's the full gammit of loving family members. I hope that you can find some peace. I found your blog via mamachristy (we love her)...she always knows what to say.

Blessings to you and all of your family.

PCOSMama said...

Thanks e. It's nice to know there are people who care.